Beside You
by Greg'sgirl5
Summary: Kurt has a secret that nobody's ever known about...it's his perfect disaster. But what happens when someone finds out? Warning, cutting, may be triggering. T due to triggers.
1. Caught Red Handed

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Kurt had never been one to sulk in his problems. He'd never gone all _woe is me_ or voiced his misdoings. Never once broken down overdramatically like Rachel, or complained incessantly like Santana. Never ever. Instead he'd always kept them quiet, asked for help once in a blue moon, but tried to deal with it himself.

Even with Blaine in the picture, he'd kept doing so. Sure, Blaine had changed him. For the better, of course. Blaine revolutionized his every thought. But there was one thing, on perfectly disastrous habit that Blaine hadn't changed.

One he could never, ever know about...

Kurt almost ran into the boys bathroom, overwhelmed.

He'd been bullied for so long he was indifferent, but sometimes those feelings crept up again. When he heard a muttered _fag _as he walked down the hall. A badly covered up glare, or two students nudging each other and laughing.

Normally he didn't even notice things like that. Well, okay, yes he did. But he could choose to not take them to heart, especially while in the presence of friends or his boyfriend.

But today, after already getting a bad mark on his chem test, he was nearing the dangerous decision. And when he walked down the hall by himself, and was not so accidentally shoved aside in the hall, his resolve broke. He could feel the stares on his back, the muttered judgements and questions.

With that, he made the choice to give in. Give in to the stupid addiction that he couldn't truly fight.

After making sure he was in a stall that nobody was near, he fumbled around in his bag before pulling out what he needed.

The razor gleamed in the light, sending adrenaline through his veins. He loved the sharp edge. He loved the way it felt when it broke his skin, causing blood to spill over. But at the same time, he despised it. He hated it to no end.

It was his perfect disaster.

And as he roughly shoved down the sleeve of his shirt, he sucked in a preparatory breath. His skin was already lightly marred with scars. He'd been doing this a long time, after all.

He set the blade horizontally on his porcelain skin, craving the burning pain. He needed it more than anything else. He wanted it.

It was inevitable.

XXXXX

Finn saw Kurt rush down the hall, eyes pink and cheeks flustered. Immediately he knew something was wrong, and knowing Kurt wouldn't want a crowd, he politely excused himself from Puck and rushed after his stepbrother.

He saw his shoe disappear into the bathroom, and followed, shoving people aside. When he reached the door, he pushed it open timidly.

He saw a few freshmen chatting by the sink, but they were absorbed in whatever they were discussing. Nobody else was in the open, and he scanned the lower portion of the stalls, seeing only one pair of feet, which he knew belonged to Kurt.

He knocked on the stall worriedly. "Kurt? You okay?"

He heard what sounded like a hushed sob, putting his nerves on end.

"Kurt? Come on, answer me!"

He heard a deep swallow, and a sniffle.

"I'm...I'm f-fine." He heard Kurt stutter, his voice thick with unseen tears.

"Kurt, open the door. Open it now."

"No. Go aw-away."

"Kurt, you know I can break it in. Open it."

He heard a sob. The door opened angrily, and Kurt could be seen, face red, eyes puffy, and edge of his shirt...bloody? Finn noticed Kurt seemed to be keeping his hands out of view.

Without thinking, he reached to try and grab them, but Kurt backed away with feared intensity.

"Let me see." Finn said simply.

"Screw off."

"Let. Me. See."

"GET LOST FINN!" Kurt nearly yelled, and the freshmen boys vacated the room with strange looks.

He moved slightly to the left, and finally saw it. In Kurt's hand was a razor blade, bloody and shining. His wrist was red with blood, cuts decorating his skin.

"Kurt...god, Kurt. Please, just-"

"GET OUT." Kurt shouted.

"Kurt-"

"NOW!" He screamed, a sight Finn had never seen. He backed away in shock.

There was only thing he could think to do. He ran out the door in search of Blaine Anderson.

XXXXX

Kurt fell to the tile floor, his sobs consuming him. The door was pushed closed by his leg, so nobody could see him.

Finn had just...he had...he knew. Finn knew. Nobody had ever known before. What...what was he supposed to do now?

Unable to come up with an answer, he put the razor to his un-cut wrist, and pushed down, while pulling across. The skin sliced open, blood beading along the line. The release was chemical, his head hitting the stall wall.

He knew he shouldn't be doing it. He knew that now that Finn knew, things wouldn't be the same. But he didn't care.

He sliced himself again, a small smile appearing through the tears. He was destroying himself and it was perfect.

XXXXX

Blaine spun to see Finn run up to him, eyes red.

"BLAINE!"

"What?" He asked, taking in the other boy's scared appearance.

"You need to come. Kurt's in the bathroom." He perked up at his boyfriend's name.

"So?"

"He's..he has...a razor..he's...hurting himself...you need to...need to...help...come!" Finn stuttered hastily, before grabbing Blaine's arm, and dragging him down the hall, all the while, the shorter boy's heart on fire with terror.

XXXXX

Kurt heard the door slam open, and sobbed harder. He wasn't sure whether it was out of fear, relief, or both.

The stall door wrenched open, and his boyfriend stood there, in obvious shock. He noticed Finn back out of the room, locking the door beforehand so nobody could enter.

"Kurt...you...Kurt, no." Blaine uttered, falling to his knees. His eyes welled up, pain distorting his face.

"I h-have to." He said, unable to explain it any other way.

Blaine reached out to take the razor, and Kurt backed himself against the wall, putting his hand as far away as he could.

"Honey, you need to give it to me. I'm sorry, but you need to." Blaine said, sniffing.

Kurt could hear some jocks joking around out in the hallway, and he was almost sure he heard Santana and Brittany laugh. He felt as though he and Blaine were isolated in a bubble.

"No...No I need it!"

"Please babe. Don't make me take it."

"I...no...leave me alone...I..." Kurt was losing his mind, his thoughts swirling within him, threatening to burst.

"Kurt...oh Kurt..." Blaine whispered, reaching out to take the sharp object.

Kurt lunged away from the other boy, falling out of the stall and into the open space of the bathroom. He tried to get up, but his blood streaked hand slipped on the smooth tile.

Blaine closed in, enclosing his arms around him. Kurt struggled, writhing and crying.

"Blaine! No! I need it! Please!" He sobbed, but the other boy got his hand on the razor and pulled, hissing as it sunk into his fingers in the process.

When the cold metal was gone from his fingers, Kurt gave up. His muscles went slack, and he let Blaine hold him, stroking his shoulder.

"It's okay baby. It's okay." Blaine whispered, the two of them lying on the floor. Blood was smeared on the tile, their clothes and hands. Tears were beginning to wash it away, but more was trickling out.

"I'm..I'm so sorry..." Kurt said, a strangled whisper.

"No. No, don't you apologize. I know what it's like to lose control. I try to destroy other people, while you...you've been destroying yourself. So don't apologize. That's just like you...ever the selfless sweetheart. I'm going to help you. You'll be okay. It'll be fine." Blaine comforted, and Kurt felt himself begin to calm.

As his sobs slowly stopped, and he ran out of his tears, feeling came back. His wrists stung and bit at him, and his leg pulsed from where he had landed awkwardly.

But not just that. He began to rationalize again. Maybe more so than he'd done in a long time.

"I...I never realized how bad I was." Kurt admitted, turning to look at Blaine.

Their foreheads touched, and they kept eye contact while Blaine took off his bowtie and tied it around Kurt's worse cut wrist, earning a hiss from him.

"What'you mean?"

"I...well..." He sighed. Blaine kissed him reassuringly, and he managed to continue. "Whenever something bad happened...it was just...cut. You know? It...started when my mom...and then it was just everything. Finn rejected me; cut. Karofsky beat me up; cut. It was better at Dalton I suppose... Then, when the whole prom thing happened...cut."

"But I was with you..." Blaine trailed off, his voice guilty.

"I know you were. It wasn't your fault. I just felt like everyone...like I looked like an idiot...all I could see was the bad stuff. I couldn't see our dance or anything good...I just saw the laughs and the stares and...I think that was the deepest I've ever...cut." He struggled out, biting his lip.

"Shit, Kurt. Why didn't you...I mean..."

"Tell you?" He asked, and Blaine nodded. "Because...you're just so perfect. I couldn't put something like that on you...I mean...and I just...I didn't want you to feel guilty."

"Too late." Blaine said, and then looked as if he'd realized something. "Oh...Kurt you didn't...you didn't cut when I got the part in West Side Story did you?"

Kurt looked down, guilty and embarrassed.

"And when I got drunk and stupid at the bar?"

He continued to look down, a silent answer.

"Honey...God I am so sorry. But how did I not...I mean we...we had sex. How did I not see them?" The other boy questioned, and Kurt sniffed, his eyes pricking again.

"I'm good with makeup, remember? I could make Rachel look like Queen Latifah if I wanted to. Covering up a few cuts is easy."

"Babe...I promise you, we are going to help you. No matter what, we're getting through this, you hear me? It's not just you anymore. I'm here, and Finn's here. You're gonna get better. You can be happy again. That's a promise." Blaine Anderson explained, helping Kurt to sit up against the wall.

"You...do you promise?"

"I swear on every bowtie, sappy love song, and ounce of undying, pining love I have for you. It's gonna be okay."

Kurt couldn't take it. He just let himself cry again, this time on Blaine's shoulder.

And as he did, Blaine began to sing in a low voice.

"_When your tears are spent on your last pretence  
>And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defence.<br>When it's in your spine, like you've walked for miles  
>And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while<em>

Oh waaii oh waaii oh oooo  
>Oh waaii oh waaii oh oooo<p>

If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up  
>And I will hide you, when it gets too much<br>I'll be right beside you  
>I'll be right beside you<p>

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath  
>When the space between the things you know is blurring nonetheless.<br>When you try to speak, but you make no sound  
>And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud<p>

If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up  
>And I will hide you, when it gets too much<br>I'll be right beside you  
>I'll be right beside you<p>

I will stay  
>Nobody will break you<br>Oh

Trust in me, trust in me  
>Don't pull away<br>Trust in me, just trust in me  
>I'm just trying to keep this together, because I could do worse and you could do better<p>

Tears are spent on your last pretence  
>And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defence.<p>

If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up  
>And I will hide you, when it gets too much<br>I'll be right beside you  
>Nobody will break you<p>

If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up  
>And I will hide you when, it gets too much<br>I'll be right beside you  
>Nobody will break you."<p>

**Alrighty then. Hmm...so that's it I suppose. I might do a second chapter. **

**Review so I know how you feel?**

**Song was Beside You by Marianas Trench.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**xo**


	2. Torn

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Kurt sucked in a breath as Blaine helped him wash away the blood on his wrists in the bathroom sink. It drained away in a swirl of pink, something Kurt had always been intrigued by. When his skin was relatively clean, Blaine took his arms and inspected them, Kurt wanting to pull away, but deciding against it.

"Babe...that's a lot of scars." Blaine said, as if he couldn't find anything else to say.

"I'm aware." Kurt mumbled, somewhat dryly.

"Look...I mean, I know staying here isn't a good idea right now. We need to get you home, and help you calm down." Blaine told him, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist.

"I am calm."

"Kurt...come on. Please don't lie. You can be honest with me now." Blaine further pushed, tightening his hold around the other boy.

"Right...sorry, it's just a reflex. Um...okay. I guess going home would be okay." Kurt mumbled, unable to come up with anything else.

"Alright. Now, we need to make sure nobody sees us. We have blood on us, and let's face it, that's gonna raise a lot of questions." Blaine told him, and Kurt nodded, avoiding eye contact.

"Honey, don't be ashamed." Blaine said when he noticed the way Kurt's eyes welled up. "I just mean that I don't want you to have to answer to stupid kids asking stupid questions."

"I...I know."

"Alright. I'm going to text Finn, and get him to help us get out of here. He's in Spanish now, right?" His boyfriend asked, and Kurt nodded curtly.

"I...alright."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"_Kurt."_

"I just...I hate that he knows. I hate that you know. Nobody was supposed to know." Kurt said, his voice thick as he re-tied Blaine's ruined bowtie around his wrist, where cuts were opening up again.

"And what if you had gone too far? Huh, Kurt? I think you would have really wished someone knew then. This is a good thing." Blaine assured him, texting Finn on his blackberry.

"I guess."

XXXXX

Finn received a text message half-way through Mr Shue's lecture, after bouncing around anxiously the entire time.

He quickly read it, not even bothering to hide his phone from sight.

_Kurt's okay. For now, at least. I need you to come and help us get out of here. I don't think he can handle people staring right now. Please hurry._

Finn began gathering his books, not realising that Mr Shue was now staring at him, eyebrow raised.

"Going somewhere Finn?"

"Family stuff. Sorry Mr Shue, I've gotta go." Finn said, grabbed his backpack and stood up.

All eyes were on him, but he couldn't care less. Rachel was staring, her eyes questioning him.

"You know I'm not supposed to let you leave." Mr Shue said lowly.

"It's Kurt." Finn whispered. That was all it took, and Mr Shue nodded, even opening the door for him.

There was something in his eyes that made Finn's heart wrench. But he thought nothing of it, and nearly ran down the hall.

XXXXX

A knock sounded on the door, sending Kurt into a sort of terrified frenzy. Who was it? He couldn't have anyone else know about his situation.

"Guys? It's Finn."

Kurt breathed a sigh of relief, and Blaine unlocked the grey door, pulling it open to reveal an anxious Finn.

"Hey." Finn said simply, looking at Kurt while biting his lip.

Kurt looked away, thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed. Nobody was supposed to know.

"Okay, we need out of here. Where's the closest exit?" Blaine asked Finn. Kurt found it sadly funny, that he still didn't know the school all that well.

"Actually, it's in the Glee room. There's the side door. I'll get Kurt's car and bring it around. Nobody should be in there right now, so you should be safe." Finn explained, and held out his hand.

"Car keys, honey." Blaine reminded him, when he didn't respond.

"Right. They're in my bag." Kurt mumbled, and went to go get it from the stall.

"No, let me." Blaine said rather protectively, and walked past him.

"I can do things by myself Blaine, I'm not an invalid." Kurt said harshly.

"I know, but I don't..."

"You don't trust me. Of course you don't. Just because I have stuff in my bag, doesn't mean I'm gonna use it!" Kurt blurted out, and regretted it when both Finn and Blaine stared at him.

"There's more?" Blaine asked, and he bit his lip.

"Answer me Kurt." Blaine said, grabbing the bag and walking towards him.

"Yes." Kurt admitted, barely a whisper.

"Kurt..." Finn said, his tone strange.

"Don't look at me like that. I know what I'm doing, I'm not crazy." He said loudly, trying to take his bag from Blaine.

The need to cut was bubbling up again, much fiercer than before.

Blaine backed away cautiously.

"Tell me where they are."

"No."

"Come on bro, just tell him."

"No!"

"KURT. You either tell me where they are, or I root through your entire bag in search of them. I don't want to invade your privacy, so just please...tell me." Blaine nearly pleaded.

Kurt felt his eyes begin to water.

"In the...in the side pocket. Hello Kitty makeup case." He said, and watched as an amused smirk flashed across his boyfriend's face, but disappeared even faster.

"Thank you."

XXXXX

They rushed through the hallway, thankful that nearly everyone was in class. The only person they saw was a freshman, who was luckily engrossed in his phone.

Once in the choir room, they both relaxed visibly. Blaine looked over at his boyfriend, hurt, guilt and anxiety swirling within him.

"Don't do that." Kurt said, never looking away from the door's window.

"Do what?"

"Look at me like that."

"Kurt-"

"I'm fine."

"You're not!" Blaine nearly shouted, losing his temper for the first time. He couldn't help it. He felt so goddamn useless, and he knew Kurt was in a strong denial.

"Shut up Blaine." Kurt said angrily, and opened the door when Finn pulled up.

Blaine followed, holding both their bags in his hands. He still had the makeup case shoved in his jacket pocket, not knowing what to do with it.

Kurt went to go get in the driver's side, but Finn blocked him.

"You shouldn't be driving. Let me or Blaine do it." Finn said, and Kurt puffed angrily.

"One; it's _Blaine or I._ Two; you're not coming. Go to class Finn." Kurt said, and rushed around the vehicle, hopping into the passenger's side and slamming the door.

Blaine looked to Finn, at a loss for words.

"I just wanna help him." Finn nearly whispered, his voice thick.

"I know. I don't know what to do either. I...I never thought Kurt of all people...especially with...I mean..." Blaine trailed off, choking up. He couldn't help it. He just wanted his boyfriend to be okay.

Finn put a hand on his shoulder, something Blaine hadn't expected. The two weren't close, but being in this situation...

"I know." Finn muttered, and turned to walk away, but not before waving at Kurt, who certainly made no move to return it.

XXXXX

They made it to Kurt's house without saying a word to each other. Kurt because he had nothing to say, and Blaine because he did, but didn't know how to say it.

Kurt wasn't mad. He knew Blaine thought he was, but really, he wasn't. He just felt so out of control. Within a few minutes he'd gone from in control and secretive, to out of control and having two people know. It just...he didn't know how to deal with it.

Normally, he'd cut at a point like this. That's how he dealt. But now that wasn't an option, and he struggled to find another way of coping.

He unlocked the front door, and turned off the alarm. Blaine followed him inside, setting their bags down on the table.

"So..." Blaine trailed off, slipping of his shoes and leaning against the wall.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you and Finn. I just don't know how to cope. I mean...I always just cut, and now I don't know how to...deal with any of this." Kurt admitted, and began down the stairs, beckoning Blaine to follow.

"No need to apologize, Kurt. I just wish I knew how to help you." Blaine said from behind him, and at the bottom of the steps, he turned and bit his lip.

"Well, right now I need to wash these better and put some cream on them. Infections are a pain." He told Blaine, and walked into the bathroom, flicking on the light and cringing at how bright it was.

He pulled off his bloody shirt, Blaine helping him slightly due to him hissing as it hit his cuts.

He sat on the edge of the tub, took down the shower head to let it hang upside down, and turned it on in hopes of a good temperature.

"How often do you do it?" Blaine asked. Kurt could tell he was hesitant. "Cut, I mean."

He didn't turn to look at him, instead focusing on adjusting the taps.

"Depends, I guess. On what's going on. But on average, I suppose once a week."

"Oh."

Kurt finally turned to look at his boyfriend, worry on his features.

"Blaine, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But to be honest, the idea of telling anyone never crossed my mind. I never would have been able to. If you and Finn hadn't...I never would have said anything." Kurt told him standing up to hug him. "I really am sorry, honey."

"It's okay. Let's get you fixed up."

XXXXX

Once he had the cream applied on his angry red cuts, he followed Blaine out of the bathroom, and both of them sat on his bed.

"What's wrong?" Blaine asked, and Kurt realized he was fidgeting hopelessly.

"Nothing." He said, but Blaine gave him a look that made him continue. "Fine. I just...I really want to do it again. I can't help it. I don't...I can't control it."

"I know, sweetie. I've felt the same way."

"You've cut?" Kurt asked in surprise.

"No. But I've felt the same about fight club. I know Finn told you, he can't keep his mouth shut." Blaine told him, and Kurt nodded sheepishly.

"Well, it's kind of like an addiction too. When I get really mad, I just...I need to take it out on something. And that something usually ends up being another person." Blaine told him, and Kurt bit his lip once again. "They volunteer of course. I don't go around beating people up."

"I know, babe." Kurt said, and managed a small grin.

"So what do you wanna do?" Blaine asked, checking his watch. "We have two hours until Finn gets home, and we both know he'll be coming straight here."

"I know...he better not tell Rachel. I'll go all Lima Heights on his ass." Kurt said, but his tone was fearful.

"I'd be happy to do that for you." Blaine joked, and put a hand on Kurt's knee.

"I might have to take you up on that offer, Anderson." Kurt said, his tone flirtatious, with a dirty underside.

"Well chosen, Hummel."

XXXXX

They'd settled on Disney's Mulan, as it was directly on Kurt's bedside table. It was nearly halfway through, and two of them were cuddling on the bed, Kurt's head on Blaine's chest.

Kurt suddenly moved to get up, but Blaine grabbed his arm, his stare questioning and untrustworthy.

"Nature calls, honey." Kurt lied, and winked as Blaine let him go.

He closed the bathroom door behind him, and leant down to stand on his knees. He let out a breath, and rummaged around under the sink, looking for anything sharp. With his stash in Blaine's possession, he'd have to settle.

Finally, finding an unused disposable razor, he attempted to pry the blades out of it. When that didn't work, he grabbed nail clippers, and used them as leverage to pull the silver blades out.

Finally, one came free. It wasn't as sharp as he would have liked, but he couldn't care less that moment.

He put it to his wrist, and cut.

**Alright, I'm evil. I've decided to continue this as a story, in the hopes that people will actually read it. But please, if this is triggering to you, don't read it. I don't want you to get hurt.**

**Review,**

**xo**


	3. Apologies, apologies, apologies

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Blaine looked at his watch yet again. Kurt had been in the bathroom ten minutes. That wasn't normal for him. And it was too quiet...

"Kurt?" He called out, walking to knock on the door.

"I'm fine!"

"Kurt...you understand why I can't believe that." Blaine told him through the door, and paced anxiously.

"I told you, I'm-" He heard Kurt hiss, and he suddenly knew exactly what was going on.

He tried the doorknob, and upon figuring out that it was unlocked, pushed it open hastily. The sight in front of him was far too much of a déjà vu for his liking.

Kurt sat on the tile floor, his eyes shamefully looking up at Blaine. His wrist was bloody once again, a smaller slice of metal in his hand. Blaine saw that he had pried it out of a disposable razor.

"I...Kurt...come on...why?"

"I can't stop...I'm sorry Blaine...I'm so sorry..." He trailed off, tearing up.

"Babe, obviously I'm not watching you well enough...I'm gonna make sure Finn is on his way. Maybe...maybe it's time we tell your dad."

"NO. He cannot know about this! EVER. Neither can Carole. You understand me Blaine?" Kurt shouted, his face angry.

"Then you need to promise me that you won't do this again! Kurt...you have to stop. You need to find another way to deal with your feelings." He told Kurt, kneeling down to put his hands on the blade, gently taking it from the other boy.

"What, you want me to go get in fights like you? Want me to go beat up kids in some top secret fight club? That's not healthy either, and you know it!"

"I KNOW THAT KURT." He shouted, and regretted it instantly. "Look...you promise me you'll stop this, and I promise you I'll stop fighting. I swear."

"Pinky promise?" Kurt asked sheepishly.

"All the pinky promises in the world. But you have to stop. You could kill yourself, Kurt." Blaine said, and Kurt rolled his eyes, dabbing at his cuts with tissue paper that the other boy had handed him.

"I never go that deep." Kurt muttered. "I'm not stupid."

"You don't have to be stupid to make a mistake, babe. It just takes one time. I couldn't survive without you." Blaine said, choking up at the thought of such a tragedy.

"Fine."

"Fine what?"

"Fine, I'll stop. Well, I'll try. I don't know if I can stop though Blainers..." Kurt said, but Blaine took it as a good sign that he used his playful nickname.

"You absolutely can Kurt. I know you can. You are so, so strong. You can do anything." Blaine said, holding Kurt's hand, and pressing a kiss to his lips tenderly.

"Go call Finn. I'm sure he's already on his way, though."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here with you. Can I borrow your phone?"

XXXXX

Finn heard his phone ring and fished it out of his pocket clumsily. The screen read Kurt's name, and he picked up instantly, worry filling him.

"Kurt? Is everything okay?" He asked into the speaker, ignoring Rachel's questioning stare.

"_It's Blaine. Everything's...well, fine, I guess."_

"What happened?" He asked immediately, and heard Rachel asking questions, but shut her out.

"_He...he went into the bathroom and..."_

"_You can tell him." _Kurt said in the background.

"_He cut again. Look, you really need to get over here."_

"You let him out of your sight? What the hell, Blaine?" He said angrily, watching what he said in front of Rach.

"_I'm sorry, Finn! Just come home. He's promised to stop, but we need to help him through this."_

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Keep an eye on Kurt. Don't let him cut again." Finn said, and then realized what he's said out loud.

"CUT?" Rachel blurted out beside him.

"_Is that Rachel!"_

"_I SWEAR TO GOD FINN-" _Kurt began in the background.

"Shit..._shit..._I'll be there soon." He said, hanging up, Kurt and Blaine still yelling into the phone.

"Cut? What's going on Finn? What happened with Kurt?" Rachel asked desperately, her eyes welling up.

"Ugh...you weren't supposed to find out. Look, Rach, I'm sorry but I've got to go, I'll call you and explain later."

"Finn!"

"I love you, babe. I'm sorry." He said, kissed her on the nose, and rushed down the hall, and out the front doors.

XXXXX

"He...Rachel...she knows..." Kurt stuttered out, crying. Blaine was rubbing circles on his back.

"I'm sorry Kurt. I can still beat him up if you want." Blaine joked, but Kurt shot him a glare. Now wasn't the time.

"Kurt, it'll be fine. We'll figure this out. Don't get overwhelmed, we'll take it one step at a time." Blaine assured him.

"I...yeah. Yeah, one step at a time."

XXXXX

Finn ran down the stairs, and turned to find Kurt on the bathroom floor, Blaine beside him. Tissue was pressed against his wrist, and his head was on Blaine's shoulder.

"Kurt why would cut again?" He asked immediately, kneeling to the floor.

"Why would you tell Rachel!"

"I didn't _tell_ Rachel, she heard me talking to you!"

"What's the difference Finn, you just ruined everything!"

"Hey, I'm not the one cutting myself in the bathroom, am I?" Finn argued harshly, and watched and Kurt began to cry.

"SHUT UP!" Blaine shouted.

"Finn; you should have watched your words more closely, Kurt didn't want anyone else to know, especially Rachel. Kurt; it was an accident, he didn't mean to. And he didn't ruin everything, we'll sort through this." Blaine explained.

"I...I can't control it Finn...I..." Kurt cried, obviously unable to get past the cutting comment.

"How can you not? You just stop, it shouldn't be that-"

"Don't say it, Finn. I called you to come be supportive, not rude. So I'm sorry, but get your shit together, or leave. Kurt needs you to help him." Blaine said angrily, positioning himself in front of Kurt instinctively.

Finn took a moment, and realized just how harshly he'd acted. He knew he had a temper but...wow he'd lost it.

"You're...you're right. I'm sorry Kurt, I wasn't thinking." Finn apologized, and tried to convey the truth behind it as best he could.

"I know. I know." Kurt said, and wiped a few tears.

"Look...uh, let's get you fixed up again, and then we can finish watching Mulan, eh?" Blaine said, and Finn watched as Kurt nodded.

"Finn, I'll help him get cleaned up. Would you mind making some coffee?" He asked, and Finn felt anger flare within him.

"Why can't you? Kurt needs me just as much as-"

Blaine shot him a clear, fierce look. He got up to go make coffee.

"Could you toss me my phone? It's on the bed." Blaine asked, and Finn did as he was told, albeit being angry.

XXXXX

Blaine smiled reassuringly at Kurt as the other boy washed his wrists yet again.

When Kurt looked away, he grabbed his cell phone, and texted Finn.

_**Blaine:**__ The only reason I wanted you to leave was so I could text you._

_**Finn:**__ Oh._

_**Blaine:**__ Finn, you need to get everything sharp out of the house. Or at least hide it. We can't risk him hurting himself anymore._

_**Finn:**__ But won't my mom and Burt notice? I mean, they kinda need knives to make dinner..._

_**Blaine:**__ Maybe we'll have to tell them later. But right now, get everything and hide it. Use the trunk of your car or something._

_**Finn:**__ Okay._

_**Blaine:**__ I mean everything. Razors, knives, scissors (yes even the kiddie ones). Anything he could hurt himself with._

_**Finn:**__ I feel like we're babysitting._

_**Blaine:**__ We kind of are._

XXXXX

Kurt felt like a child. He couldn't do anything without Blaine or Finn tensing up. Even just shifting positions on his bed got a reaction. It was hopeless.

"I'm gonna make some popcorn. Want any?" Kurt said suddenly, sick of sitting still.

"Kurt..."

"I'll make some." Finn offered, and stood up.

"Guys! Come on! If one of you needs to watch me, fine, but I seriously need to get up. My butt is asleep, my back hurts, and you know what? I just wanna stand the hell up." He blurted out, his overwhelming anger taking over.

"I'll come with you." Finn said, and Kurt followed him up the stairs. He could feel his eyes watching his every movement and he shoved down annoyance.

He put a bag of popcorn in the microwave, and pressed the correct button, before leaning against the counter.

Finn was trying to watch him while also checking his phone.

"I know you guys are texting each other. Is Blaine seriously that worried that he can't go thirty seconds without knowing what's going on?" Kurt asked, anger bubbling within.

"Pretty much!" Blaine shouted from the basement, and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Really?" He asked Finn sarcastically, and sighed.

"He just cares about you. I do too." Finn told him, and the microwave beeped.

"I'm not crazy." Kurt muttered, rustling the popcorn bag to cover up his voice cracking.

"We don't think you are. We just wanna help."

"Finn, the way you can help me right now is just to chill out. Stop treating me like a suicidal schizophrenic. Just act like this is any other day. It is, really." Kurt explained, and Finn nodded.

"I...look, I'll try. You know I'm only being protective because I care about you." Finn said, causing Kurt to smile a little.

"I get that. Thinking about it, if roles were reversed, I'd probably be doing the same thing."

"And I really am sorry about slipping up in front of Rachel. I didn't mean to, I swear." Finn told his step brother.

"I...I know it wasn't on purpose. I'm still mad, though." Kurt muttered, pouring the popcorn into a purple bowl.

"I still think Blaine overreacted." Finn added. "He doesn't get how close Rachel and I are."

"I do so!" They heard Blaine shout from below them. "And I didn't overreact!"

"He didn't. Actually, he reacted perfectly." Kurt said, walking away from Finn, who paused, but followed.

By the time he got down the stairs, Blaine was sitting cross legged on the bed, tossing his phone between his hands.

"Come on, it's Little Mermaid time."

XXXXX

By the time they'd finished The Little Mermaid, Kurt had fallen asleep on Blaine's chest. He was smiling down at his boyfriend, running his hands through Kurt's smooth hair.

"He must be exhausted, he never falls asleep until it's officially over." Blaine smirked, and looked up to where Finn was sitting on an armchair.

"He's had an eventful day. I don't blame him." Finn muttered, flicking off the television.

"Look-"

"I'm sorry." They said in unison, and chuckled.

"I really am."

"Me too. We need to get along for Kurt's sake." Blaine said, kissing Kurt's hair.

Finn looked at him oddly for a minute, and Blaine began to wonder what he'd done wrong...

"You're good for him. Honestly. He loves you." Finn told him, smiling earnestly.

"I love him too. More than anything. I keep telling him he'll be okay. I believe in him and...he...he'll be okay right?" Blaine asked, losing his facade and letting his insane worry crack through.

"One way or another. We're right here with him. If it means skipping every class and failing, I'd do it for him."

"So would I. And I think that's what he's scared of."


	4. Snapping

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Kurt was fidgeting again. This time it wasn't from craving the blade, or even stress. He was just bored as hell.

They'd gone through all the Disney movies on his dresser, and he was aware that Carole had arrived home, as Finn had gone to greet her. He didn't because...well he was too scared she'd somehow know.

It was all really overwhelming, no matter how many times he thought about it. His mind came up with worry after worry, botched outcome after botched outcome. What if they just knew? Or what if he slipped up? His dad would be so disappointed in him.

In fact, he was sure Blaine and Finn were disappointed as well. They'd never admit it of course, but he just...he kind of knew. The way they looked at him, so called sympathy in their eyes. They took turns glancing over at him, almost as if on cue.

He was so goddamn bored that he'd began counting.

_1...2...3...4...5, look._

Finn glanced over at him, and upon seeing him look back, glanced away hastily.

_1...2...3...4...5, look._

Blaine looked over, his eyebrows knitted in over-protective caring.

Man. He was being treated like a child and there was no way out of it.

_Another look._

Seriously, if they didn't stop doing that he was going to get seriously pissed.

_Look._

Holy shit, he was seriously going to cut a bitch. No pun intended.

_Look._

He groaned, falling back on the bed, with his hands covering his eyes.

"Babe? You alright?" Blaine asked quietly.

"Yeah. I suppose so." He answered quickly, and let his eyes wander the painting on his wall. It was something he'd done one time when he was bored; a watercolour of Pavarotti.

"Dude if there's something on your mind, don't be afraid to talk to us." Finn added, and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I'm just...ugh. I don't know."

"We all know what that feels like." Carole's voice came from the bottom of the stairs, and Kurt scrambled to pull down his sleeves as far as they'd go.

Kurt looked to Finn in worry, but he shook his head; he hadn't told. Alright...well.

"Uh..yeah, Carole." Kurt mumbled and pretended to flip through a magazine.

"Would you like anything? Your dad will be home soon, so I'll be starting dinner." She asked, and he rubbed his forehead.

"No thanks."

"No coffee?"

"No."

"What about-"

"Carole, I said_ no_." He snapped, and winced as she looked down.

"Mom? Would you mind if I helped with dinner?" Finn asked, taking the attention off Kurt and his minor outburst.

"Last time you did that was when you were what...eight?"

"Shut up." Finn teased with a wink, and walked to the stairs.

Kurt watched as before he ascended, he shot Blaine a clear look.

_Don't let him out of your sight._

XXXXX

"So what's up with Kurt? He seems stressed." Carole mentioned while washing a tomato.

"Um, he just had a rough day."

"What? Was he getting bullied again? Burt and I will go straight to the princi-"

"Mom! Nothing like that. It was just one of those days, you know?" Finn asked, while putting pasta into the boiling water.

"Yes, I do. So is Blaine staying for dinner?" Carole questioned, continuing to fix up vegetables.

"I think so. Actually...I mean I know we'll have to run it by Burt but...would you mind if Blaine stayed over? I think Kurt's really worn down and could use some quality time with him." Finn said.

Carole raised an eyebrow, a silent assumption.

"Oh god Mom, nothing like that!"

"I'm kidding you. Of course I'm okay with it. If you think he needs someone, he must really be stressed. I'll help ask Burt about it; he might be a little reluctant." Carole explained while collecting the vegetables.

"He...Kurt really needs this."

"I'm going to assume you've been sworn to secrecy?" His mom asked, grabbing a bowl.

"Of course. And I already accidentally let Rachel know." Finn admitted with a blush.

The two fell into a small silence, Finn cleaning the strainer, and Carole looking in the drawers.

"How bad is it?" She asked suddenly. Finn looked up in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"Finn...honey, all the knives are gone. And the scissors, and anything else remotely sharp. I...how bad is he?" She asked, her eyes becoming red, and he voice shaky.

"He's not...it's not what you think." Finn urgently argued. He'd already screwed up once...

"Finn...please, I know you're lying. I'm a mother, I can sense these things."

"I...It's pretty bad. But you have to act like you don't know. I already screwed up and let Rachel find out. It...it's too much for him. He went from having it his own secret, to having three people know. You...you gotta keep it a secret Mom." Finn regretfully told her, and watched as she nodded, accepting it.

"I...of course. Um...wow, I never thought Kurt...of all..."

"Yeah. Us either. Don't tell Burt yet, please. He's so broken right now." Finn urged, and sighed.

"I won't sweetie."

"Okay..uh, I'll go get you a knife to cut those vegetables. Everything sharp is in my car trunk, so make sure to put this back, alright?"

"I will." Carole said, and leaned up to kiss her son's cheek. "I'm proud of you for being there for him."

"I...thanks, Mom."

XXXXX

Kurt hid his head under a pillow, and Blaine bit his lip, worried for his boyfriend.

"Babe?"

"God, I can't believe I snapped like that. Everyone's gonna know by the end of the week if I keep this shit up." Kurt groaned, keeping the pillow firmly over his face.

"Do you know why you're so angry?" Blaine asked, lying down to gently take the pillow off Kurt's face.

Kurt turned over, his legs entangling with Blaine's, and his eyes became red.

"No."

"Honey you can't blame yourself for all this. Not everything is your fault, you know." Blaine said, knowing what Kurt was thinking.

"But...but it is, Blaine! You heard Finn. I should have been able to stop...I know people who did...I'm too weak to quit it." Kurt whispered, a tear staining his porcelain cheek.

"Kurt-"

"And, and my life isn't even that bad, I'm just too stupid to handle it,"

"Honey-"

"The only fucking reason I even cut today was because of someone shoving me in the stupid hallway! How pathetic is that?"

"Kurt Hummel!" Blaine said, finally getting Kurt to break from his trance.

"What?"

"First of all, you are not weak. When I first met you...when I first found out what you'd been through, I thought you were the strongest person on Earth. I still do to this day. You were bullied every day, and you pushed right through it! When I got beat up I joined a fight club and moved schools. You? Kurt you stuck by your friends, fought to be who you are, and did what you loved all the way through." Blaine said, running a thumb over Kurt's face, wiping away a tear.

"Secondly, you may have a better life than some, but it sure as hell isn't lollipops and candy canes. Karofsky wore you down more and more every day. Sometimes it was you against the world and I wish, I wish so frickin bad that I was there with you, but I wasn't. Now that I am I promise you, you're never alone. Ever." He said, kissing Kurt on the forehead.

"And lastly? I'm sure it was so much more than that. It may have been a shove that made those feelings boil over, but I know, I know one hundred percent that there's more to the story." He said, trailing off in hoped of an answer.

"I...it's just that I nearly failed my chem test, and then I'm not doing great in Spanish, and...and then I felt like everyone was staring at me, and then some guy shoved me and like...god Blaine it was like everyone was judging me." Kurt cried, clenching his fists.

"See?"

"See what?"

"Kurt...it's so much more than a shove. You felt weak. You were overwhelmed and felt like an animal at the zoo. Nobody should ever feel like that but we do. It happens. So don't you feel stupid."

Blaine gently wedged his fingers between Kurt's, and slowly helped the boy unclench his now white hand.

"Kurt you are...amazing. You're the most complex, charismatic...enigmatic person I have ever, ever met. You never cease to amaze me with your bravery, kindness, and adorable quirks. Never again sink so low as to think that you're anything less than perfect." Blaine finished, a smile playing at his lips.

Kurt's eyes were threatening to overflow.

"There's no such thing as perfect." Kurt mumbled, a last defense against the kind words.

"You trying to tell me you're not here? Because I'm not on crack, so I'm pretty sure you and your amazingness are present." Blaine said.

With that, he visibly saw Kurt lose his resolve, and the other boy kissed him with incredible passion. Blaine's head spun, but he continued to kiss the boy until his lungs hurt and his eyelids fluttered. Finally the two broke apart, only due to need for oxygen, and smiled as they breathed heavily.

Blaine touched his nose to Kurt's.

"Perfect." He whispered.

**There you go! Thanks for reading. I can't promise fast updates as I have exams and summatives at the moment. And writing 6 stories at the same time? Remind me never to do this again -.-**

**Review please!**

**xo**


	5. You and Your Stupid Eyebrows

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

"Hey Kurt! Dinner's rea-" Burt stood at the bottom of the stairs. "Oh, hey Blaine."

Blaine smiled at Kurt's dad, before standing up with a well hidden sigh.

"Is it okay if Blaine stays for dinner?" Kurt questioned, reaching out to take Blaine's hand within his own.

"You don't even need to ask, kiddo." Burt said with a grin. "You're always welcome."

"Thank you." Blaine mumbled, squeezing Kurt's now shaking hand.

"We'll be up in a minute, alright dad?" Kurt said, and Burt nodded, going back upstairs.

"I don't think I can do this. What if they find out?" Kurt asked, obviously in a panic.

"It'll be okay. Kurt Hummel, you are strong and you can do anything. Ya hear me?" Blaine asked his boyfriend, encircling the other boy in his arms.

"Well I'm not deaf, so we can assume I heard you." Kurt told him sarcastically, and Blaine stifled a chuckle.

"I love you." He said simple, leaning in to press a breathtaking kiss on the other boy's soft lips.

"Love you more."

XXXXX

"So how was school today?" Burt asked, and Kurt nearly choked on his food.

"Fine." He mumbled, and took a large sip of water.

Maybe it was because he was aware of others knowing, or maybe because he couldn't stand that his father find out...but he was feeling it was difficult not to let his secret out.

He reached to get more salad, and his sleeve rode up dangerously high. He yanked his hand back and fixed his sleeve, pretending to be picking at a loose string.

Thankfully, Blaine caught on and grabbed the salad for him, being careful not to get anything on Kurt's sweater that he had borrowed to cover any traces of blood still on him.

"What did you do in Glee?" Burt questioned, taking a bite of his pasta.

Kurt stayed silent, picking at his food. Finn seemed to be nervous he might blurt something out, and shoved a large mouthful of salad into his mouth.

"We're singing love songs again. Seeing as though Mr. Shue is going to propose to Ms. Pillsbury." Blaine answered for them.

"That's great, has he chosen a song yet?" Burt asked, and Kurt noticed that Carole was unusually silent.

"No sir."

"How many times have I told you to call me Burt? Sir makes me sound old." Burt winked, and looked at Kurt.

He felt his heart race as his father studied him.

"What?"

"Normally you'd be raving about the wedding...planning color schemes and such...what's up with you?" His dad asked, and Kurt took a deep breath.

"Uh, nothing. Bad day I guess." He mumbled, picking at his pasta and avoiding eye contact.

"Are those gorillas giving you trouble again? Because I'll go straight over there and-"

"No." Blaine, Kurt and Finn all said in unison.

"Okay...then what happened?" Burt asked, and even Carole looked down this time. She looked down with obvious guilt.

_Oh...Oh hell no. Finn...Finn told her? That son of a bitch..._

"Carole, did he tell you?" Kurt asked, outraged.

"Did who tell me what?" She asked, looking at Finn quickly.

"He did didn't he? How could you Finn!" Kurt nearly shouted, dropping his fork onto the table with a loud clang.

"He didn't mean to, I figured it out myself." Carole admitted looking guiltily down at her food.

"What the hell are we talking about?" Burt asked, and Kurt froze.

He'd forgotten his dad was even in the room. Looking at him now, he knew now more than ever that he could never tell him.

Exasperated and hysterical, he stood up, head turning between the table's occupants. He was utterly overwhelmed, and seeing his dad look at him with such a...such a desperate question in his eyes was the last straw.

He ran from the room as fast as he could.

XXXXX

Blaine looked after where Kurt had disappeared, and then back to Finn, who was nearly in tears.

"What was that about?" Burt asked angrily, and Blaine withered, wanting to go after his boyfriend, but also knowing he couldn't pull another abrupt fleeing.

"Um...may I be excused?" Blaine asked carefully.

"Of course Sweetie." Carole said, picking at her food.

"No, no. Wait up. Tell me what that was about." Mr Hummel said firmly, and Blaine once again froze.

"I...I'm sorry but I can't. I promised him I wouldn't." He said, glaring at Finn, who looked away quickly.

"I'm his father. You tell me, and you tell me now." Burt said, standing up.

"Sir, I really can't."

"You tell me or you're not leaving this table. I care about my son and if something is going on you need to tell me so I can help him." Kurt's father said, and Blaine bit his lip.

He could hear faint crying coming from downstairs, and he stood up, torn.

"Kurt...god, Kurt's been hurting himself." Blaine blurted out, and ran from the room after the one he loved.

XXXXX

"I heard you...you...how could you Blaine?" Kurt sobbed, backing into a corner.

"I'm so sorry, but he wouldn't let me leave...look honey, this will all work out." Blaine assured him, reaching out a hand.

Kurt shook his head angrily. "Don't you call me honey. You and Finn have just ruined everything. I...I can't trust anyone!"

"Yes you can. Now that your dad knows, we can all solve the problem." Blaine told him, but Kurt still cried.

"I can't believe you...you're ridiculous! I hate you. I hate you and your stupid gelled hair, and your stupid triangle eyebrows!" Kurt shouted angrily, but was only further embarrassed when Blaine laughed.

"Get out. Get out now." Kurt yelled, and turned away.

"You couldn't make me leave if you tried. You could have Karofsky try and _drag_ me out, and I still wouldn't budge. I'm here for you and you only. I love you. I love all of you, and that includes your flaws. But...but this one could kill you. And I can't have you dying on me Kurt. That...god..." Blaine began to cry. "You can't leave me. You just can't."

"I'm not..." Kurt sighed. "I'm not leaving you. You just...why'd you tell him? And don't give me that 'he wouldn't let me leave' BS. Why did you really tell him?" Kurt asked, holding back a sob.

"I...god I'm so sorry. I just wanna help you, and I hate that I feel so useless. I just...maybe he can help too. I just wanna see you happy, Kurt." Blaine admitted, and literally fell to his knees.

"I'm so sorry."

Kurt knelt down beside Blaine.

"No...no, I'm sorry. This...I mean I guess it's my fault in the first place. I just...it's an addiction. I really can't go without it...it's like...it..." Kurt couldn't finish, as he put his head on Blaine's shoulder.

The other boy enveloped him in his strong arms, instant comfort coming along with it.

"Talk to me about it. Obviously just keeping it inside isn't helping." Blaine said, pulling up Kurt's sleeve to reveal the finger nail scratches that were there due to his subconscious need to tear into his skin.

"I...why?"

"Because I'm desperate to help you, and I'll be damned if you hurt yourself again. Just tell me what it feels like. What...what you crave." Blaine further explained, running his fingers lightly over the cuts, them stinging and pulsing as he did.

"I...it's sharp...and it kind of burns. It's like a good paper cut. And it's...it's kind of beautiful...and the blood goes in little beads...and I guess it's like a gorgeous way of destroying myself." Kurt admitted with a struggle, feeling Blaine hold him tighter to his chest, Kurt's coifed hair finding a home in the crook of the other boy's neck.

"Good. See now that I know, we can work together. We understand each other better." His boyfriend muttered.

"No, you're inside my head, and like always, yours remains tightly shut." Kurt muttered.

"You know what, fine. You get a free pass into my addiction. I guess it's only fair. When I get mad, it just bubbles up. Like a pot of water on a boiler, and when it reaches the top, I just...I need to fight. Because I need to compete, and hit something and hear people cheering me on...It reminds me that I'm good at something." Blaine said, his voice thick.

Kurt pulled away in order to look at him.

"Babe, you are good at so many things. You're an incredible singer, hot as hell and the best boyfriend a flamboyant gay kid like myself could ever ask for." Kurt nearly whispered, cupping Blaine's face with his hands.

"Obviously that's not true." Blaine told him, and once again ran his fingers over the red slices.

"Obviously it_ is_ true. Honey...two minutes ago I wanted to cut so deep I'd drown in my own blood. But now...I don't know. Maybe I can stop. It'll be hard, and it scares the shit out of me to think about it but...maybe I can stop." Kurt said, feeling a little better.

"See? There's the flamboyant gay kid I fell in love with. We're gonna be just fine." Blaine told him, his brown eyes moist.

Kurt couldn't help it as he pulled him into the tightest hug he'd ever given. Both their shirts became wet with tears as Kurt broke down for the millionth time that day.

"I'm so scared about my dad." He admitted, barely even a whisper.

Blaine said nothing, but instead hugged him tighter, pressing kisses to his neck.

XXXXX

Burt had rushed downstairs before anyone could stop him, but what he saw made him freeze.

Kurt and Blaine were on the floor, collapsed into each other's arms. Both were crying, and both looked like they were holding on for dear life.

Burt could see the cuts on Kurt's arms, and it took everything he had not to run over there and help.

But those boys obviously needed one another to survive at the moment.

Regretfully, Burt went back upstairs.

**Some more heartbreak for you guys. Writing this is helping me to stop my cutting addiction, so I'm glad for that.**

**Review my lovelies, **

**xo**


	6. Crossing Lines

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

"Talk to me Kurt." Burt said firmly, and Kurt shook his head.

Blaine was sitting beside Kurt at the kitchen table, his hand protectively on his boyfriend's knee.

"I don't want to." Kurt mumbled, and drew into himself.

"Honey, it's okay. We need to talk about it. It'll be alright, I'm right here." Blaine told his boyfriend, and wrapped an arm around his waist comfortingly.

"Kurt, do you realize how dangerous this is? You could die. This is such a stupid thing to do, you're just a kid." Burt said, looking as if he was lost.

"I never go deep enough to cause permanent damage. And I make sure they never get infected. I know what I'm doing." Kurt defended, and Blaine watched in silence. 

"No, no you don't! God Kurt, can you imagine if you'd gone too far? This is such a dangerous thing to be doing!" Burt argued, his face becoming red. "Talk to us. You need help."

"I don't need to...I'm not crazy." Kurt said, nearly a whisper. Just like that, his insecurities were visible.

"Oh, oh sweetie. No, you are not crazy. We know it better than anyone. You are so amazing. Everyone breaks down sometimes." Blaine said, his eyes watery and his voice dripping with guilt.

Kurt looked at him for a moment and then turned back to his dad.

"Kurt, I lost your mom. I can't lose you as well." Burt said, his voice clearly angry.

"What, you don't think I lost her too? That's when this all started! I couldn't deal with it, and I'm sorry if this is screwing up your life. If you wanna be mad at me, fine. Fine dad, do I look like I care? But...but don't you blame me. I'm...I'm weak and I can't help it. It's an addiction. It consumes you. It takes you whole and you know what? Sometimes that's a hard thing to battle on your own." Kurt blurted out angrily, and Blaine bit his lip.

"Then why didn't you tell us?" Carole asked, her makeup smudged with tears.

"Why? For this very reason! I don't need to be babysat! I'm smart, I know the difference between cutting and committing suicide. I know when to stop. But the truth is, the blade was here for me...even...even when you guys weren't." Kurt said, and Blaine knew it was his attempt at a low blow. A last defence.

"Oh don't you turn this on us!" Burt shouted, and Blaine could see his boyfriend begin to lose his resolve.

To be honest, Blaine was rather lost in all this. He felt out of place. It's not like he was exactly close with any of them. Sure, he and Finn had gotten over their feud, whatever it was about. But they weren't friends. Finn certainly didn't like Blaine, despite forcing himself to act as though he did. And Carole...well, Blaine got along with her, he supposed. He was able to (being gay has its perks) take part in girl talk with her and Kurt. She seemed to think he was good for her stepson. But when it came to Burt...he acted like he liked Blaine. He did, but Blaine wasn't able to spend time around the man one on one, as it was clear Mr Hummel wasn't exactly happy he and Kurt were dating. And that kind of killed Blaine, really.

"You know what, fine! I'm sorry Dad! Is that what you want? You want me to apologise for being weak, and not being able to deal with everything I've gone through? Fine, I'm sorry! I'M SORRY! You happy now? You...are you happy?" Kurt trailed off, and his sobs consumed him.

Blaine immediately took the other boy in his arms, Kurt getting lost in the overwhelming emotion. He curled into Blaine's chest, and Blaine held him as tight as he could, stroking his back.

"Shh." He cooed, pressing a kiss to Kurt's over hair sprayed locks and ignoring the looks he got from Burt and Carole.

"Dude, you're not weak. You're strong as hell. With everything you went through, being tormented by Karofsky and his gang, I'm surprised you're even alive. You even came back to McKinley. The stuff you went through...hell, the stuff I put you through...god, Kurt you are so strong. Even when I said...that word...you stayed strong." Finn said, moving to sit beside Kurt.

He put an arm on his stepbrother's back, but Blaine felt Kurt pull away.

"Wait...dude did you...you didn't cut when I said that, did you?" Finn asked, and Blaine could literally feel the tension in the room.

Kurt continued to sob into Blaine's arms, a silent answer. Yes, he had.

"Oh god..." Finn trailed off, putting his head into his hands.

"Kurt, why? Honestly, why?" Mr Hummel asked, his anger obviously getting the better of him again.

Blaine looked down at Kurt. His Kurt. His boyfriend was losing it, second by second. And he was doing nothing about it.

"Mr Hummel, Kurt needs to rest. Can we continue this tomorrow?" He asked, his nerves bouncing.

"And why should we? My son needs to talk about this." Burt said angrily, his fist clenching.

"Without a doubt. But he's been through enough today." Blaine argued. He knew this was a risky idea, but then...then there was Kurt.

Kurt was still in his arms, shaking with sobs. He was most obviously overwhelmed, and in need of someone to protect him. How many times had Kurt done the same for him? When Karofsky pinned him to the wall? Kurt shoved him off. When Karofsky shoved him in the hall? Kurt defended him. When Blaine got drunk and stupid at Scandals, and Kurt got mad at him? The boy was there the next day, making things right. So did Blaine owe him? Hell yes he did.

"No, I want to have this discussion now, Mr Anderson!" Kurt's father yelled, using the last name for effect. But Blaine had heard enough.

"_Burt!_ Listen to me! Kurt has been through more than any one person should ever experience. And so what, he turned to self harm. It's more common than you think. I know other people who have, and still do cut. Nowadays it's a valid way of coping. And no, I'm not saying that we should let Kurt do so. He's going to stop, and we're going to help him. But you need to lay off for a minute, and think about what the hell you're saying to him. I've told you before that my dad and I have no relationship. If I was straight we would, but unfortunately life doesn't work that way. But you have an amazing relationship with Kurt and you need to use it to your advantage. Don't ruin it over this. He needs you to help build him up, not tear him down. There are so, so many times Kurt could have committed suicide. When I first met him, I literally marvelled that he hadn't. When I got beat up at my old school, I immediately transferred out of fear. But Kurt never once made a rash decision. He only left when he absolutely had to. Please just take a minute to think about how strong Kurt is. Self harm isn't a crime, so if you intend on interrogating him like a criminal, well...you need to shut up. I...I love your son, Mr Hummel. I love Kurt more than anything, and I am going to help him through this, with or without your help." Blaine finished, and was met with sheer quiet.

Kurt had pulled away from him and was staring in shocked silence. Finn was frozen, watching with intrigue. Carole was crying again, hand on Burt's. And Burt himself had raised an eyebrow.

"Finn, take Kurt downstairs. I want to talk with Blaine." He said firmly, and Blaine felt fear rise within him. He didn't regret saying what he did, but that didn't mean he wasn't nervous of the consequences.

"Dad, please! Don't yell at him, it's not his fault..." Kurt said desperately, his eyes puffy.

"I'm not going to yell at him. Relax. Go watch one of those Disney movies you love so much. Snow Red or whatever it is." Burt said, and Kurt stiffened.

"Snow White, Dad." He corrected, and looked at Blaine nervously.

"Go, babe. I'll be right down." He told Kurt, and kissed him on the cheek.

Awkwardly, Kurt walked to the stairs with Finn, and looked back at them.

"Go. I love you Kurt." Burt said firmly.

"I love you too." Blaine's boyfriend replied, and with that they went down the stairs.

Now it was time for Blaine to face the music, and he knew it.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm apparently very good at crossing lines." Blaine said, looking down at the table cloth. His hands were shaking, and his heart was racing.

"Damn right you are." Burt said, and Blaine took a deep breath. "_But, _sometimes crossing lines is a good thing."

"It is?" He asked, sounding like a child.

"Yes. I can tell you love my son. And I can tell that...that you were right. I was acting like an idiot. I'm lucky that I have a good relationship with my son, and I nearly ruined it right then. I...well, I guess thank you for standing up to me. It takes a lot of courage to do that." Mr Hummel said, and Blaine felt a blush rise on his cheeks.

"Well, I care about Kurt. And he doesn't need to be ridiculed for an addiction he can't fight off." Blaine said, raking a hand through his gelled hair.

"It's more than that. You're not just inside his head...you can relate, can't you?" Burt asked, and he nodded.

If Kurt could have people know, he could too, right?

"Um...wow Kurt said you're good at spotting things like that. Yes, I...I have a problem of my own." Blaine admitted, looking down again.

"Do you self harm as well, sweetie?" Carole asked, sympathy in her eyes.

"No, no. I, uh...I'm in a fight club." He said, fidgeting.

"Ah. I was in one of those in high school. You win a lot?" Burt asked, surprising Blaine once again.

"Um...yes actually. You wouldn't think so, seeing as though I'm really short, but after being bullied so much I, uh...I got rather good." He said, and withered under Burt's gaze.

"I see. I only went to a few fights, as I lost every time. It's fun, but it isn't healthy, regardless of if you win or not." Mr Hummel explained, and Carole gave a small smile.

"I know that. Kurt and I have a deal; if he stops cutting, I'll stop fighting."

"That's good. Look...I appreciate you being so honest with me. I know the number one rule of fight club is don't talk about fight club. But not just that, I want to thank you for not being afraid to give me a reality check. While it may not have been your place, you stuck up for Kurt no matter what, and that's what he needs right now. My son...he really loves you. He's...ugh what's the word..." Burt trailed off in thought.

"Infatuated with you." Carole added, smiling.

"Yeah. I guess what I'm trying to say, is you're good for him. You need to stick by him, you hear? Don't let him down." Burt finished, and Blaine nodded.

"Yes sir. Can I stay the night to help him deal with all this?" Blaine asked, standing up from the table once again.

"Of course you can." Mr Hummel said, and Blaine nodded, starting to leave the room.

"And Blaine?" He called, causing him to turn around.

"Yes?"

"Don't call me sir."

**So? I know this is all one perspective, which certainly isn't the norm for this story, but I'm hoping it works. Anywho, are you enjoying it? I hope so...**

**Guess what? I haven't cut in over a month! That may not seem like very long, but for me that's an eternity! Thank god for this story!**

**Review! xo**


	7. Breaking

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Kurt watched as Blaine reappeared downstairs, running his hand through his no longer controlled locks of hair. His eyes were tired from worry, and his hands were far from stable. And yet, he had never been more in love with him.

Kurt crossed the room in three large strides, and collided their lips with passion. He felt Blaine freeze in shock, before he kissed him back, his trembling hands reaching up to fall over Kurt's shoulders. This was unusual for them; usually Blaine was the more 'male' role, but instead Kurt was the one to wrap his arms around Blaine's waist; symbolically supporting him.

When they did break apart, Blaine's pupils were dilated, and Kurt was sure his were too. That kiss had taken every ounce of breath he had.

"What...what was that for?" Blaine asked, panting slightly.

"I...I heard what you said. I can't believe you...no one has ever...you're so...god, I'm so in love with you." Kurt stuttered, and hugged Blaine as tightly as he could, once again taking the opposite role than he normally did.

Blaine hugged back, his arms connecting behind Kurt's neck, pulling him as close as physically possible.

"I will always stand up for you. Always." Blaine nearly whispered, and Kurt tried to hold back tears.

"Let me know when you guys are done." Finn called, and they spun to see him with his eyes closed, and his ears covered.

Kurt giggled, and Blaine stifled a laugh.

"We're done." Kurt sing-songed, but Finn obviously had his ears covered rather tightly.

Blaine picked up a small pillow and tossed it at him, hitting his face.

"Aye! That's my face!" Finn said, but his grin broke the angry facade.

"And that's my good silk pillow Blaine." Kurt said, playfully slapping him.

"Honey, you have way too many pillows." Blaine muttered, gesturing to the many on Kurt's bed.

"You can never have too many pillows." Kurt said simply, and watched as Blaine raised a triangular eyebrow.

"Yes, yes you can." He argued back with a smirk, and sat on the bed.

"Some men want to watch the world burn." Kurt muttered, and he heard Finn laugh.

XXXXX

"So you're gonna stay the night?" Finn asked Blaine, and Kurt felt his heart flutter.

While it may have been under less than great circumstances, and while he was sure his father would have an eye on them, Blaine was going to stay over. Stay with him. He didn't have anything dirty in mind, surprisingly. The last time Blaine stayed over he was drunk as a skunk. This time he wanted it to be...in the moment. He wanted to stay up late, and watch movies, and woah I'm getting ahead of myself.

He turned to see Blaine nod his head, and lean back on the bed with a content smile.

"Aren't you gonna need to let your parents know?" Kurt asked, tidying some things mindlessly.

"Oh, crap. Forgot about that actually." Blaine mumbled, and pulled out his phone.

He fumbled with a few buttons before obviously pressing the talk button.

"You want us to leave?" Kurt whispered, but Blaine shook his head.

"Can you stay?" Blaine asked, his expression uneasy.

"Of course sweetie." He whispered back, and cuddled into his boyfriend's side.

He could hear the phone ringing from where his head was, and he noticed that Blaine was unusually tense.

_"Hello?"_ A female voice answered.

"Hey mom." Blaine greeted.

_"Oh hi honey. Are you headed home?"_

"No...actually I was wondering if I could stay over here. We're not doing anything, I just need to stay here." Blaine admitted, and Kurt felt him freeze further.

_"Why on earth would you need to do that?"_ She asked, her voice ludicrous.

"Because Kurt's going through a tough time and he needs me." Blaine said, running a hand through Kurt's hair.  
><em><br>"He doesn't need anything, come home." _His mom said angrily, and Kurt looked down.

This was his fault. He was getting Blaine in trouble.

"No, I'm going to be there for my boyfriend." Blaine defended, and Kurt tried not to kiss him.  
><em><br>"It's bad enough that you have a boyfriend, you are certainly not staying the night!"_ She said, and Kurt felt his heart jump.

He'd know Blaine's family wasn't pro-gay but...he'd never imagined they would be homophobic. Blaine was being bullied in his own home.

"Mom, please just-"

_"I'll get your father Blaine. Don't make me do that_." She threatened.

"I'm staying here with Kurt mom, I have to."  
><em><br>"I'm getting your dad."  
><em>  
>"Don't!"<p>

They were greeted with silence, and Kurt tensed.  
><em><br>"Blaine Everett Anderson, you come home right now."_ A male voice said, and Kurt immediately felt threatened.

"Dad, I need to be here for Kurt, he's going through some stuff." Blaine said simply, and Kurt pulled away.

_"I don't give a damn, I am your father and when I tell you to come home from your friend's house you do so."_ His father argued, his voice booming.

"He's my boyfriend dad, I'm not leaving." Blaine defended, and once again Kurt looked down with guilt.

_"Blaine I have been through this with you. If you want to go and be a homo then I can't do a thing, but it will not interfere with you being normal."_ His dad said, and Kurt was nearly in tears.

Blaine's face was contorted with stress. His eyes were dark and his hand were wary on Kurt's hip.

"I am normal!" Blaine said, sounding much like a child.  
><em><br>"You are not. I want you home, now."_ Blaine's father said, and Kurt had listened to enough.

"Blaine...you don't need to stay. Go home." Kurt said, putting a hand on Blaine's heart. He didn't want him to go, but he shouldn't be bullied because of Kurt.

"No, I'm staying. Fuck him if he thinks his homophobia is stopping me." Blaine said determinedly, not bothering to cover the phone.  
><em><br>"Don't use that kind of language young man."_ Came his dad's voice.

"Shut up dad, you don't freaking need to-"

"Give me the phone." Burt's voice said, and Kurt spun to see his dad standing behind him, eyes narrowed and stance rigid.

"What?" Blaine asked, confused.

"Let me talk to him." He said simply.

"That might not be a good idea..." Finn said, and Kurt realized he'd forgotten his step-brother was even in the room.

"Blaine." Burt insisted. Blaine handed it over, and Kurt watched as Burt disappeared up the stairs.

Kurt turned to see his boyfriend looking down at his hands, his shoulders squared. It wasn't until he saw something fall, did he realize he was crying.

"Oh god honey, I am so, so sorry." Kurt cooed, moving to hold Blaine in his arms.

His boyfriend was still for a few moments, before his emotions got the better of him and he started shaking with tears.

"Shhh." Kurt whispered, doing exactly what Blaine had been doing to him just two or three hours ago.

"I'm sorry Kurt, you never should have heard that." Blaine said, hugging Kurt to him.

"Blaine, are they always like that?" He asked in disbelief.

Blaine didn't say anything. He took that as a yes.

"God, why do you even live there?" Finn asked, and Kurt shot him a look.

"Finn." He hissed, but Blaine shook his head against Kurt's chest.

"I...cause I don't have a choice. I have nowhere else to go. And it's not that bad really." Blaine muttered, still wrapping himself in Kurt.

"I...Finn could you give us a minute?" Kurt asked, and his step-brother nodded, walking upstairs to where they could hear the murmur of the telephone call.

He disentangled himself from Blaine, and lay them both down on the bed, face to face, noses lightly brushing against each other.

Blaine's eyes were red and wet, and as he looked at him, Kurt could see his insecurities show. Blaine talked a big game about Courage, and standing up for yourself, and he did. But not at home.

"Sweetie...you need to talk to me." Kurt said simply, reaching out to lightly trace Blaine's cheek.

"It's fine Kurt. I'm fine." Blaine said, sniffing and looking away.

Kurt reached out brush away a tear with the pad of his thumb, feeling Blaine exhale shakily against him.

"You are always there for me. Let me do the same." Kurt pleaded, and watched as Blaine gave in, his face once again losing it's mask.

Blaine stifled a sob.

"How long?" Kurt asked.

"Since I came out. I don't think they really believed me then, but then I told them I was dating you and they...they flipped." Blaine admitted, closing his eyes.

"Flipped how?"

"They uh...well they grounded me for a long time. And they didn't really talk to me. And then when...when I switched to McKinley, I had to lie and say it was because it was a 'straighter' school. Then dad went for it." Blaine muttered, his eyes still closed tightly.

Kurt let out his breath and kissed Blaine's nose. His eyes fluttered open, and Kurt smiled.

"Blaine I'm gonna tell you something, okay?" He said, his heart rising in anticipation.

Blaine nodded, his eyes searching Kurt for answers.

"When I was at Dalton with you...well, even before then actually...I used to talk about you to Mercedes, and Rachel, and Tina, and...and anyone who would listen." He admitted, and flushed.

"Why?" Blaine asked, and it was clear he was confused.

"Why? Because you're you! You...you have...you're...ugh. Blaine I was so, so in love with you. And I used to go on and on about everything you did and I'm surprised people even hung out with me because looking back now, I never shut up." He said, his face reddening further.

"You were in love with me?"

"Hell yes. That picture in my locker? That...uh, that was there since the first time I met you. I know how stalkerish that is, but you need to understand how great you are. You're so dapper, and funny, and charismatic...you're the sunshine of everyone's day. Your smile is enough to make freaking Sue Sylvester happy, and that's a feat in itself. I love you Blaine. I love you more every day but I loved you back then as well. You need to get that just because your close minded parents say these ridiculous thing about you, doesn't mean they're remotely true." Kurt finished, and chanced a glance upwards.

Blaine was teary eyed and smiling.

"You know, that is kind of stalkerish." He teased, and Kurt hid his face under a pillow.

"I give you that amazing speech and that's all you get from it?" He groaned sarcastically.

"No. No I loved every word, babe."

XXXXX

"Here." Burt said gruffly, handing the cell phone back to Blaine.

"What did they...what did you...what happened?" Blaine asked timidly.

Burt sighed, his posture showing it all. Blaine knew it. His parents weren't going to budge, and now he had just burdened Kurt and Burt with their hatred. He shouldn't have had Kurt stay. He should have just called privately...ugh. But he...he couldn't leave.

"You can stay."

"Wait, what?" Blaine asked, doing a double take.

"Well they sure as hell aren't happy about it. It took about twenty minutes of them insulting you and Kurt, and me a few times, for me to realize I needed to play dirty." Burt admitted, sitting on Kurt's couch, and rubbing his eyes.

Blaine looked at Kurt, who looked equally as surprised.

"What did you do?"

"Told em that I was a congressman and that I could get them into a lot of trouble for mistreating their child. After that, they just shut up and told me to make sure you went to school. Then they hung up." He explained, shrugging his shoulders.

"Burt...you didn't need to do that. I mean, thank you of course, but you didn't need to deal with their..."

"Bullshit." Kurt supplied him, looking down.

"Normally I'd tell you off for that language, but you're right." Burt said, and Blaine saw him studying Kurt.

He followed his gaze, and realized Kurt's sleeve had been pushed up. The cuts were on display, and they were shining red. The skin around them was blotchy, and in this light, even brighter pink.

Kurt caught on, and pulled the sleeve down quickly.

Burt opened his mouth, but Kurt cut him off.

"Tomorrow, dad. I'll talk about it, but wait till tomorrow, okay?" He nearly begged.

Blaine gave Burt a clear look.

"Alright kiddo. You guys get to bed soon, it's been a long day for both of you. Blaine, I'm fine with you sleeping on the couch down here to be closer to Kurt. No funny business though, Carole and I are right upstairs." Burt said, his tone a little kinder than before.

"Of course." Blaine smiled.

"Okay, I'm gonna head up. If you need anything, either of you, just come and get me okay?" Burt said kindly, and Blaine grinned further.

"I love you Dad." Kurt said as Burt hugged him.

Blaine looked down awkwardly, wishing he knew what that was like. Now wasn't the time, he knew that, but he just couldn't get out of the funk.

"I love you too kiddo. And Blaine?" Burt said, and he snapped his head up.

"Yes?"

"I love you as well. Get some sleep." Burt said, putting a hand briefly on Blaine's shoulder.

And like that, he was gone.

But his words weren't.

I love you as well.

Even after the two of them had brushed their teeth, Kurt had finished a shortened version of his skin care routine, Blaine and Kurt had changed into (with each other's help) matching pyjamas, and had settled into Kurt's bed to watch a movie, the grin hadn't left Blaine's face.

**So this chapter is large to make up for the delay!**

**Love all of you 3**

**Thought I'd give some Blaine drama? Please review and let me know!**

**xo**


	8. Nightmares

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Blaine settled into the couch as Kurt flicked off the overhead lights. They were showered in blinding darkness until Kurt turned on his lamp, putting a soft warm glow on the room.

Blaine pulled the covers up to his chin, and buried his face into the pillow, relishing that it smelt like Kurt.

"Blaine?" His boyfriend called out, seeming wary.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really worried about tomorrow. School, I mean. Knowing Rachel she's told everyone, and I don't think I can handle that." Kurt admitted.

Blaine sat up so he could look at Kurt. He could tell how insecure he was feeling; his body language showed it all. His arms were wrapped tightly around his frame, his head tucked into his chest.

"Honey, you need to stop worrying. Just get some sleep." He said softly.

Kurt shook his head. "I can't. I can't sleep knowing that tomorrow everything will be ruined. Everyone will know and everything will fall apart."

"Kurt, let me ask you something." Blaine began, testing the waters. Kurt nodded. "What exactly is going to happen if people find out?"

"They're...they'll judge me. And no one will want to be friends with me." Kurt said pathetically, and Blaine bit his lip.

"That's bullshit and you know it. The Glee kids would never ever do that. So I'll ask again. What will happen?" Blaine pushed, hoping his point could be made.

"They...they'll know." Kurt mumbled, and looked down.

"Exactly. Nothing's gonna explode, Brittany's not gonna take over the world, slushies won't become a international weapon. The world isn't going to end. People will just know. And if you want, I can talk to them beforehand and make sure they know not to treat you differently." Blaine explained, looking into Kurt's eyes.

"I...thank you. Thank you, Blaine." Kurt said, a small smile appearing.

"No need." Blaine grinned, settling back down on the couch.

Kurt flicked the lamp off, and once again blackness covered the room.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

XXXXX

_Kurt could see the stares. They burned into him, and people pointed. They pointed and they laughed._

_"God he's so weak." Mercedes laughed, her head tilting back._

_"Prom Queen wasn't enough, gotta be Drama Queen too, huh?" Quinn seethed, and he bit his lip._

_He spun to talk to Blaine, but his boyfriend was now down the hallway with Finn and Puck, laughing in his direction._

_Everyone was laughing. Even Rachel._

_"Kurt, you can't steal my spotlight! Not like this! That's pathetic Kurt, absolutely pathetic!" She ranted, and Kurt tried not to cry._

_"I'm sorry." He said, turning to look at them._

_"Oh please, you're not sorry. You could care less, you just want attention." Tina said, and Mike laughed and kissed her._

_"No I don't. No, I swear I-"_

_"Kurt, your drama isn't needed here. Maybe you should take a break from Glee club." Mr Shue suggested, and suddenly Kurt was crying._

_"Please don't! Glee is the only thing that makes me happy!"_

_"Go on Kurt, we don't need your drama up in here." Artie said, before high-fiving Brittany._

_"Go Ladylips! Run home to your razor blade!" Santana giggled, hugging Brittany to her._

_The world began to spin, and Kurt backed up, nearly falling. Everyone laughed. Everyone.  
><em>  
>He woke up with a choked scream, tears spilling down his face. He desperately tried to stop shaking, but his hands were useless as he rubbed at his eyes, hiccupping.<p>

"Kurt?" Came Blaine's voice, and he tried to stem a sob before it escaped his lips.

He felt terrible that he'd woken his boyfriend, especially for such a stupid nightmare.

But the nightmare had shaken him to the core.

"Uh, just go back to bed sweetie. Just a ni-nightmare." He cried, trying to steady his breathing.

But instantly he saw a shadowy movement and the mattress dipped. Blaine's arms encircled him, and he didn't bother fighting it. Instead, he collapsed into Blaine's arms, letting go of his hold on his emotions.

"Shh, it was just a dream. Shh, it's okay babe." Blaine cooed as Kurt hiccupped again, new tears falling from his puffy eyes.

"That's just it though. Everything's okay, and when I go to school it won't be. Everyone will laugh." He cried, sniffing between words.

Blaine lay them down much like Kurt had earlier. Noses touching once again.

"No they won't. I promise you. What if I came in and admitted I'd been cutting? Do you think they'd laugh?" Blaine asked, kissing Kurt's nose.

"Of course not." Kurt said.

Blaine raised an eyebrow, and Kurt could see even in the dark that Blaine was making his 'are you serious right now' face.

"But that's different! Everyone loves you. You're Mr Dapper Charm. And then there's me." He admitted, and stifled a sob.

This was knew to him. He didn't let people into his insecurities.

"Honey, if I'm Mr Dapper Charm, then you're Mr Sassy Lovable Fashionista." Blaine said, and Kurt couldn't stop the giggle he produced. "Everyone loves you. How could they not? You are absolutely amazing. I swear on everything, not one person will laugh. And if they did, but I promise they won't, but if they did, I would seriously fuck them up."

"You'd get suspended." Kurt defended, a last resort. Change the subject. Stop this conversation.

"Yes, I would." Blaine said simply, and Kurt stopped crying out of confusion.

"Why would you go and get yourself suspended?" He asked, stroking Blaine's smooth cheek.

"Because I love you. River deep and mountain high." Blaine joked, but his eyes were serious.

"Don't ever get suspended." Kurt muttered.

"I won't have to. Nobody is going to judge you. All they'll want to do is help you, I promise." Blaine assured him.

Kurt didn't exactly believe him, and he was pretty sure at least someone would judge him, but he was soothed by his boyfriend's words. He relaxed, his tears drying on his cheeks.

The two lay in silence, curled against each other. Their legs were intertwined, and Kurt's head on Blaine's chest. He listened to his heart, the steady beat that meant so much to him.

"Can you sleep here? Like...with me? I'm scared I'll have another nightmare." Kurt begged, breathing a heavy sigh.

"But what about your dad?" Blaine asked, and Kurt could feel him tense.

"I don't care. I need you. Please." Kurt pleaded, snuggling closer into Blaine.

He wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist warmly, kissing his neck softly. He knew he was playing dirty, but he didn't care. He needed his boyfriend.

Blaine sighed.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course honey." Blaine assured him, pulling him close.

Kurt inhaled Blaine's scent; that delicious mix of cinnamon, chocolate and just _Blaine_ that he'd fallen in love with.

"This will all be okay one day. We'll look back on this on our wedding day, and we'll just smile because we'll have made it so far by then. You'll be on Broadway, I'll be teaching music to kids or something of the sort. And even if neither of us end up doing that, we'll still make it far because we have each other. And we'll just look back and go _wow. _I know now, it seems impossible to get better. But later on, when you're lying in bed with me, just cuddling up watching whatever new musical has come out, you'll just sit back and think _we made it. I made it. _Cause you will Kurt." Blaine finished, and the silence seemed deafening.

But Kurt was trying to hold in an onslaught of incredible tears. His emotions were going to break him. He was going to explode.

"You want to marry me?" Kurt burst out, a half-sob. He looked into Blaine's hazel eyes through the dark, and felt his boyfriend's grip tighten on him.

"Oh god, Kurt. Yes. Yes, we're going to get married. I promise." Blaine whispered, his voice low.

Kurt leaned in and kissed him, and it was the best kiss he'd ever experienced. Maybe it was the knowledge that Blaine would one day be his husband, but whatever it was, this kiss started a fire in his heart. It was tender, light, and they relished it. Neither made any attempt to use tongue, or go further. Just a simple touch of the lips. Electric.

When the pulled away, after a long, long time, they breathed slowly against each other's cheeks.

And that's how they fell asleep. Nose to nose, cheek to cheek, lips millimetres apart.

No worries.

No nightmares.

Just them.

**I'm aware that this is a short episode. I am sorry for that. But a lot is going on right now.**

**And I regret to inform you that I cut again. I had gone a whole 2 months. And I threw it out the window. Ugh.**

**I'll update again soon, please review? They...they make me happy.**

**Xo**


	9. Oh Yay, More Stress

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Kurt awoke to the sound of someone clearing their throat. He couldn't be bothered to move right away, as he instantly noticed that he was wrapped in Blaine's strong arms. His eyes fluttered open, but he slammed them shut as light nearly blinded him. He shifted, and felt Blaine do the same.

"Kurt." Came a voice. But it wasn't Blaine's.

His heart skipped a beat and his eyes flew open to see his father standing with his arms crossed, looking far from happy.

_Crap._

Kurt shot up, sending Blaine tumbling, nearly falling off the bed. Burt raised an annoyed eyebrow, and huffed.

"Dad, it's not what it looks like." Kurt defended, seeing Blaine starting to get his bearings.

"Oh, it's not?" Burt asked sarcastically. His forehead crinkled.

"Seriously. I had a nightmare, and he came over to see if I was alright. And I asked him to stay with me, because I didn't want to have another one." Kurt admitted, running a hand through his messy hair.

"And that's all? No monkey business?" Burt asked, his eyes narrowed on Blaine, who visibly shrunk.

"No, Dad. It was just a nightmare. About...about school. I was just worried that people would laugh. I mean, I'm still worried, but not as much." He said, finding each word difficult to form.

Burt sighed, looking a little annoyed. "Alright. Next time ask me, okay? And don't worry so much, you'll get frown lines and you are way too young for those. I'm just waking you up because you have an hour or so to get ready for school. Both of you."

They nodded silently.

"Alright, if you need anything I'm going to the garage, so just give me a call." He said with a smile, and walked up the stairs. "Blaine, you look after him!" He called, and then they heard the door shut.

"That was...oddly normal." Kurt admitted, fiddling with the sheets.

"Of course it was. I told you, the knowledge of this isn't going to change people's view of you. They might be a little more careful, but you're still Kurt to them." Blaine assured him.

He leant in to kiss Kurt gently.

"Alright. Yeah, I guess you're right. Shower time." Kurt mumbled, and dragged himself out of bed.

But instantly the world began to spin, and he had to grab the wall as everything rushed through him like lightning. His head twirled, and his stomach lurched.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked nervously, scooting over the bed in seconds to put a steadying hand on his waist.

"That was weird..." Kurt muttered, as his senses came back, and he was no longer disoriented.

"What the hell was that? You're freaking me out." Blaine admitted, still not letting go of him.

"Just a head rush. I get them from time to time when I'm stressed out. Just hasn't happened in a while, I guess." He admitted. It was the truth. "Caught me by surprise."

Blaine still looked wary.

"You can let go of me now. I need to shower or there is no way I'm going to school. Have you _seen _my bed head?" Kurt half-laughed, and began to walk to the bathroom.

"Oh I don't think so mister. I'm not letting you shower alone when you nearly just passed out. Plus, this saves time and water." Blaine winked, pulling his shirt off.

"You just wanna see me naked." Kurt teased, taking his own shirt off as well. They made it to the bathroom before they couldn't control themselves anymore.

Blaine pressed Kurt up against the shower wall once it was turned on and they had undressed, feeling Kurt literally shudder against him.

The cold tile was flush to his back, and he stifled a gasp when Blaine's hands travelled downwards, sending tingles through him.

"B-Blaine." He stuttered, the water dripping down his chin.

"What?" Blaine asked, pulling away with worry in his eyes. It was easy to tell he thought he'd done something wrong.

"While I've always wanted to have shower sex, and I love you and everything you _do_, I don't think we should do this." He muttered, watching as Blaine nodded. "Look, I'm sorry. It's not that I don't want you, it's just that I'm so nervous for today, and while this is a proven stress reliever, I just don't want to right now."

"Kurt," His boyfriend started, but he cut him off.

"I hate that this is affecting your happiness as well, I never wanted to do that. I just don't think I can-"

Blaine's lips crashed onto his, and he stifled a gasp. Soon he couldn't resist and he was kissing Blaine back, the two of them rotating so Blaine was under the streams of hot water, and Kurt was pushing him against the wall.

"What was that for?" Kurt asked when they pulled away.

"It's the only way I could get you to shut up." Blaine said with a cheeky grin. "I'm fine with not doing anything. I am. And this isn't affecting my happiness. Okay, maybe a little, but in the best way possible, if you could believe that. I want to help you, that's all I want to do. And if you just want to shower, and nothing other than that, I can't get mad at you for that because I know that you're okay. Like I've said so many times; I need you to be comfortable, so I can be comfortable. Alright?"

Kurt nearly burst into tears, despite not knowing why.

"Yes. Yes, okay. But trust me when I say I am perfectly okay with you kissing me right now. In fact, if I had it my way, we'd kiss forever and never take a break." He admitted.

Blaine pulled him forwards, the two of them under the water beating down on their skin, and kissed him. Tender, gentle, but still heated. Not in a sexual way, not even in a sensual way. Just...heated. If that made sense.

It did to Kurt.

XXXXX

When they arrived at school, Kurt pulled into the spot next to Finn. He groaned internally when he saw his boyfriend pacing nervously in front of his vehicle.

He and Blaine hopped out onto the pavement, and had about ten seconds before Finn was upon them.

"Are you sure you're okay to go to school today Kurt? I mean you weren't yesterday and I'm freaking out-"

"I can see that." Kurt interrupted, and even he admitted that he sounded snide.

"Dude, I just care okay?" Finn said, and Kurt felt Blaine snake his arm around his waist, such a simple gesture that it almost seemed perfect. Until you remembered that they were in public.

"Finn, I know. I'm going to be okay. I mean I'm scared, I won't deny that, but I know that I have you and Blaine. Yesterday I had razor blades in my bag, and today I have jelly beans that Blaine so graciously picked up this morning for me. I'm going to be fine. Hopefully." He added, more like an afterthought.

"What are you going to do about the Glee club? I mean, knowing Rachel, and her giant mouth that I still can't understand why she can't keep shut, they all know at least something." Finn asked, and it was easy to tell he felt responsible. Which technically he was, but Kurt was no longer angry.

"I'll deal with it when I have to. During Glee, probably. Blaine said he'd help me. I mean, if they all know what Rachel heard, then they've probably come up with ridiculous conspiracy theories that I certainly don't need spread around, so we'll just clear it up for them." Kurt explained, shifting on the spot.

"Honey, you don't need to tell them if you don't want to. I mean, it's a big contrast; going from nobody knowing, to like, all your friends. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." Blaine said, kissing his cheek quickly.

"I know. But they might as well know, rather than speculate behind my back, you know? Although it would be nice if you...I mean could you guys tell them? During Glee practice, I mean. I'll be there but I just don't know if I can...say it out loud." He asked, and Finn nodded.

"Of course, babe. Whatever you need." Blaine assured him.

Before he could say anything else, the bell rang, and they had to half run inside in order to make it to class.

XXXXX

Blaine sat in the back of his English class, tapping his pen anxiously. He couldn't help but worry that maybe Kurt would break down, or maybe he'd find something sharp, or maybe...maybe anything.

He didn't know what to worry about first; all he knew was that he was worried. Careful not to let his teacher see, despite her being lenient, he grabbed his phone.

**You okay so far? Sorry if I'm bugging you, I'm just worried for you, that's all. **He sent to Kurt, and began tapping his pen again when he didn't get a reply right away.

**I'm okay, you need to relax, seriously. I'm actually thankful for the looks I'm getting from Santana, because this class sucks. I'm pretty sure Rachel spared no details, cause her view is centered on my wrists. Ugh. **Kurt sent back, and Blaine rolled his eyes.

**Ignore her, she's crazy. I'll meet you outside your door after class to walk you to chem, okay? **He sent back, seeing his teacher give him a stern look.

**Alright. Love you 3**

**Love you more ;)**

XXXXX

Kurt's day went by like a blur. He didn't know why, really. His first two periods were boring as ever, followed by the ridiculousness that was his Home Ec course.

When lunch rolled around, he had become aware, and anxious, of the looks he was getting from the Glee kids. They ranged from suspicious (Santana and Sugar, no surprise there), to downright worried (Puck, Tina, and shockingly enough, Rory).

He was at his locker, grabbing his lunch from the top shelf, when a loud voice made him jump, nearly dropping everything.

"Kurt! Oh god I was so worried about you! What the heck happened yesterday! I heard Finn talking about cutting? What does that mean? What haven't you told me? Communicate with your best friend!" Rachel ranted, her hands grabbing his shoulders.

He resisted the urge to push her away.

"First of all Rachel, I can't communicate when you don't shut up. Secondly, I'll explain in Glee okay? It's easier to explain with everyone there. You need to relax, worry lines won't help you get onto Broadway." He muttered, shutting his locker as he finished grabbing what he needed.

"But Kurt you're scaring me and-"

"Rachel! I'm not explaining anything to you right now, so just shush! Let's go to the caf, I heard they're serving pasta today, which is the only decent thing that has ever been sold there." He said, linking arms with her.

He knew it was a fake gesture of love and affection. In reality he wanted to eat lunch alone. Actually, being honest, he'd rather be cutting himself by now, but that wasn't an option.

So instead, he led her down the hall, shooting a quick text to Blaine.

XXXXX

Blaine's phone vibrated, and he fished it out of his pocket from his spot at the table. Finn was across from him, sending worried looks to the doors, and Brittany sat beside him, gabbing to Santana about Lord Tubbington's health complications.

**Be there soon, getting some pasta with Rachel. Love you 3**

He breathed a sigh of relief. That was, until Artie rolled up to their table, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"What happened with Kurt yesterday? We're all kinda secretly freaking out, man. I figured cause you're his boyfriend and all, you'd have all the deets." Artie explained, accepting a fry that Brittany offered him.

"It's not my place to tell you." He lied. "Especially not here. Kurt will explain everything in Glee club, okay?"

"But I heard...I mean we all heard something about..._cutting? _I just...I can't help but wonder if I did something wrong by not being there for him." Artie admitted in a low voice, looking down at his gloved hands.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Artie." Blaine assured him, but saw that Artie has snapped his head back up.

"So he _does_ cut? Shit...I mean...damn." He muttered.

Blaine literally face palmed. Shit. He'd gone and pulled a Finn. Now Artie knew. And Artie was actually terrible when it came to keeping secrets. Kurt was going to be so freaking pissed...

Oh great. That was when Kurt and Rachel decided to walk over to them, both with a bowl of pasta.

"Artie, you say one word, and...just keep your mouth shut, got it? Act surprised in Glee, and don't tell a soul." Blaine said quietly.

Artie didn't say anything, but the way his shoulder's tensed, it was clear he heard.

Surprisingly, lunch went off without a hitch. Nobody said anything to Kurt. Maybe they were all too scared.

Blaine noticed that a few times, Kurt began raking his fingernails over his skin, and he gently pried them away in order to hold his hand.

When they parted for their next classes, it wasn't without worry and a pointless argument. Blaine wanted to protect Kurt, and Kurt wanted Blaine to shove off.

They parted stressfully in the halls.

Within five minutes they'd texted to apologise and made up.

Oddly, the rest of the day was quick to Blaine. He didn't know about Kurt, but his worry was a good distraction. Good enough to make everything zoom by.

Before he knew it, the bell went.

It was time for Glee.

Time to face the music. (Yes, ironic way of putting it.)

**Alright! Next chappy will be up within a few days. Sorry for the wait, I relapsed again...it's been rough. Anyways, love you guys!**

**xo**


	10. Face The Music

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Kurt's entire body felt numb as he made his way towards the choir room. He saw Mike walk in the door after giving a caring wave, but he couldn't return it, as he could barely make his legs work, if that.

So many things could go wrong. They could laugh. They could make fun of him. They could abandon him. His rational minds kept repeating that no, that wouldn't happen, but his anxiety got the better of him.

He couldn't fight the fears off; they threatened to spill over. In fact, as he approached the door, his nose stung with the promise of tears.

He wanted to leave. To go home and not do this. He wanted to run, or hide, or just vanish on the spot like something out of Harry Potter.

But most of all, more than anything, he wanted (although it felt more like _needed_) to tear into his skin.

"Hey." Came Blaine's voice.

He spun around and realized he had stopped two feet from the door. He was visibly shaking and his eyes were probably red.

Instantly Blaine collected him in his arms, pulling him close. The immense comfort that washed over him was impossible to describe. Blaine just had a way of making his fears cower in the corner. He made his anxiety step down, and rationality step back up.

He hugged back, nuzzling into his boyfriend's neck. This would be fine. He could do this. Nobody would laugh. If they did, they'd have to deal with Blaine and Finn. Nobody wanted that. But even more so, they wouldn't laugh because they were his friends. Friends who cared about him. Who hugged him like Blaine did. Who checked up on him like Finn did. It would be okay.

"You sure you want to do this?" Blaine asked when he pulled away.

Kurt could tell that his boyfriend was in ultra protective mode. His hands hovered on Kurt's waist, his eyes roaming all over for signs of him changing his mind.

"Yes. Yes...I...they won't laugh. They're my friends. And I need them to know, for my sake. I love you and Finn but...I just don't trust myself sometimes, like now, and maybe having extra people know might...help." He finished, exhaling with a shaky shrug of his shoulders.

"_Like now?_" Blaine repeated, his hand ghosting over Kurt's wrist.

"Not anymore. I'm okay now. See, you help me. Maybe they can too, you know?" He asked, feeling himself relax at his own idea.

"They will. You're gonna make it through this. We both will, and then we can go home and eat more jelly beans, eh?" Blaine half laughed, causing Kurt to chuckle.

"Sounds like a plan." He whispered, leaning in to kiss Blaine.

It was light and cautious, seeing as though there was the possibility of someone seeing. Granted, those kids would be the Glee kids, but Kurt and Blaine were just private people. _Well...not now, apparently._ Kurt thought, as he realized just how close his confession was.

"I...could you still say it? I just don't know if I could." Kurt sighed.

"Of course. Duh. I'll do anything and everything for you." Blaine whispered. He leaned in and kissed Kurt's nose, much like previously.

Odd, how that was becoming a symbol for them.

Before he could change his mind, he grabbed Blaine's hand, and lead him into the room. Everyone was sitting already, and every single person looked at him as he entered, making a red flush heat his cheeks. You could tell Rachel had been notoriously interrogating Finn. Santana and Brittany seemed to be calculating his every move. Before he could study anyone else, Mercedes hurried over.

"Kurt! God, boy, where have you been? What happened yesterday? I mean, you're scaring me. All of us!" She said, and hugged him awkwardly, half enveloping Blaine, although he didn't seem to mind.

"Actually, I kind of need to explain that...to everyone. Yay, announcement time." He muttered sarcastically.

Mercedes seemed to get the gist, and backed away to sit back down beside Sam and Puck. Beside them was Sugar, Artie and Rory. Behind them sat Santana and Brittany, who were whispering with Quinn. Tina was sitting on Mike's lap anxiously. Rachel was bouncing up and down beside Finn, who caught on and stood up to stand beside Kurt and Blaine.

Before they could say anything though, Mr. Shuester walked in.

"Alright guys, so today's lesson is going to be-" He started, but Blaine interrupted.

"Um, Mr. Shuester? Can we say something first? Kurt wants to explain the...er, incident from yesterday." He said awkwardly, squeezing Kurt's hand tighter.

"Of course, go ahead." William said, taking a seat beside Rachel.

The room fell silent, and suddenly it was really awkward. Like, palpable tension. You could _feel _the awkward. _Great._

"So, um...you guys all heard that I went home early yesterday. Which normally wouldn't be a big deal, but Rachel happened to overhear something from Finn." Kurt said, his legs shaking beneath him. The thought of explaining this was scaring the hell out of him.

"Look Kurt, I'm sorry for spreading things around, but I was so worried after what I heard!" She exclaimed, in her usual Berry way, and he resisted the need to roll his eyes.

"I'm sorry, what did Rachel hear?" Mr. Shuester asked, obviously not being aware of the situation.

"That Kurt was...I mean, something about being hurt, right?" Tina questioned.

"Well..."Blaine started, as it was clear that Finn was lost. "Kurt has...a secret, if you will, and Finn and I found out. It was...uh, dangerous, and so I needed to take care of him. Um, so...well..." He trailed off, and Kurt sighed.

Maybe it would just be easier to say it himself. In fact, he should just take the plunge; there was no going back now.

"Let me say it, hon." Kurt said, stepping forwards.

All eyes were on him. Mercedes was trying to have a silent conversation with him, much like they always did. Santana was holding Brittany's hand, as if it might make the news better. Everyone else was just staring.

"You sure? You don't have to." Blaine said, and Finn looked at him in a worried way.

"Yeah. Might as well." He said, and before he could change his mind, he spoke again. "Um...alright. Wow. Okay. So, what you heard from Rachel, although it might have gotten a little warped, is basically right."

Rachel let out an audible exhale. Nobody else spoke, just exchanged looks.

"Ever since my mom died I've been...well it's hard to deal sometimes, you know? And the way I...what I did...what I've been doing for years...it..." He bit his lip.

"Kurt?" Finn asked, and Blaine wrapped a reassuring arm around his waist.

"No, I need to do this." He said quickly.

For himself. It was a big step, and it felt like a leap, but he didn't care. He wanted to get better. Make Blaine proud.

"Ever since I was younger I've been cutting myself." He blurted out, and Mercedes nearly ran towards him.

"What?" Echoed around the room.

"Self harming. You know, with a razor? I um...I have anxiety and it helped me cope because it felt like I had control. Yesterday...well, Finn found me and ran to get Blaine. He um...he took it from me, and we went home. But I couldn't help it...I needed to cut again, because that's how I deal, so...I did. And Blaine called Finn to come home, and that's when Mr. Loudmouth told Mrs. I-like-to-spread-rumours-about-Kurt-because-I-care, that I was cutting. So...yeah. That's it, I guess. That's why I went home." He finished, looking down in fear. His knees were weak and his hands were trembling.

He'd curled in on himself, as everyone could see. His arms were wrapped around his middle, and he was trying very hard to keep looking at the tiles, willing his tears to stop. Admitting it out loud...to so many people...that had taken the life out of him.

"And Kurt made the promise to get better. We all need to help him. Please don't make any remarks," Blaine warned, looking at Santana and Puck. "or smother him or anything. And don't treat him like he'll break. He's okay. Well, he will be. So can we all just support him and be a good family?"

Kurt risked a look up. Mercedes was in front of him, pulling him into a fierce hug.

"Oh Kurt, why didn't you tell me? We're going to help you, okay? You'll get better and it'll be fine, you understand?" She ranted, pulling away to kiss him on the cheek.

"Uh..yeah." He said, but couldn't help but smile.

"Kurt...why didn't you ever say anything?" Rachel asked, but remained in her seat. You could tell that she was worried about hurting him.

"It's not something you really tell people." He muttered. Mercedes was hovering by his side, and Blaine had tightened his hold on him even further.

"Why? If you needed help, then you should have said something." Puck told him, his eyes fixated on Kurt's arms, as if somehow they'd start bleeding.

"Dude! What did Blaine say?" Finn cut in, an attempt to defend Kurt.

"It's fine Finn. He wouldn't know. Nobody would understand unless they've had a self harm problem. You don't tell people because you're ashamed. Because that's like admitting that you can't handle anything, so instead you mutilate yourself because...because..." Kurt trailed off, his throat becoming tight.

"Because it seems like the only thing that will help." Quinn finished for him.

He looked up at her in shock, and she nodded. "I've cut before. It never became a problem, and I stopped, but I do understand. At least a little bit."

Instantly he felt a little better, and managed to relax slightly. She sent him a small smile, and he returned it.

"I tried once. Just the once, but I can relate with the feeling of being ashamed. I had to hide it for a while." Sam said, and Kurt relaxed even further.

He couldn't help the small, delighted chuckle that escaped him. "And here I thought you'd all laugh or something."

"Oh my god, never! We're getting you through this." Tina offered, grinning at him.

"Kurt, if you ever need anything we're all here for you, as well as all the staff." Mr. Shuester explained, nodding reassuringly.

"Thank you. I was so worried you guys would...I don't know, not believe me or something. Think I was being a drama queen." He mumbled, and Blaine rubbed his back.

"Of course we believe you. There's nothing overdramatic about coping." Santana offered surprisingly. Kurt raised an eyebrow, and she shrugged nonchalantly.

"Can we see them?" Sugar asked, and suddenly the room went very silent. Everyone looked at her in disbelief, and Kurt shrunk backwards again.

"You can't just ask him that Sugar." Artie said ludicrously.

"Why not? Are you hiding your unicorn powers Kurt?" Brittany asked, and he giggled out of shock. Santana elbowed her, and she shot him an apologetic look.

"Um, no, I'm not hiding any powers, Britt. I um...just don't know if it would be appropriate to show them." He managed to say.

"Do you think it's appropriate Mr Shue?" Sugar asked, catching their teacher off guard. He stuttered, running a hand through his hair.

"I only want Kurt to get better. So whatever he feels will help him, that's what is appropriate." He managed to put together, and Kurt bit back a groan of annoyance.

"Do you think it would help?" Rory asked in his thick accent. Kurt bit his lip cautiously.

"Guys, I think Kurt should just leave it at that today. We don't wanna make him uncomfortable." Blaine defended, kissing his cheek.

"Yeah guys." Finn added unceremoniously.

"Oh come on, it's not like we'll be blinded. I'm only asking cause let's face it, we all want to see, and maybe it would help. I mean Kurt, if we knew, if we see, we'll be able to help you better." Sugar said, cocking her head.

He knew she was manipulating him. Whether it was out of jealousy because of the attention, or curiosity (either mild or bordering on crazy) he didn't know. But what she was saying, despite coming from _Sugar, _held some weight. Maybe it would help. If they saw, then they'd understand. They'd see his private hell and maybe they would realize that he hasn't been doing well all these years. That he did need help (which was hard to admit) and that they should give it to him. He just wanted to get better.

Nobody had said anything, except Blaine and Finn muttering that he didn't need to do anything dumb. But it wasn't dumb because nobody else had spoken; giving them away. They were curious. They did want to see.

Reluctantly, and biting back a hiccup of nervousness, he reached down and undid the button on his cuff.

**Alrighty guys! Next update will be soon, xoxo!**

**Review? They help a lot!**

**xo**


	11. Tough As Leather

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

His hand shook as he rolled the cuff once, his breath coming out in huffs. But soon Blaine had his own warm hand over his, shaking his head.

"Honey, I don't think this is a good idea." He warned, but his eyes were still alight with caring.

"I just want to get better." He admitted. "For you."

"I...what if this sets you back?" His boyfriend asked, and he stopped to contemplate it.

Everyone was watching, looking as if they felt both curious, and as if they were intruding on a private moment. In reality, the two were probably intruding on normality with that very moment.

"I want to do this. Relax. If anyone says anything, which they _won't_," Kurt pronounced, glancing towards their audience. "I give you permission to go ninja on their ass."

"If it's Puck, can I punch him?" Finn butted in, and Kurt felt an amused smirk pull at his mouth.

"Dude?" Puck nearly shouted, clearly feeling like his bro betrayed him.

"No, you already have one strike. I'm skipping the second one. You say anything..." He warned, and Puck backed down, raising his hands in surrender.

"Are you sure? I mean, are you really sure?" Blaine asked, looking him square in the eyes, not blinking.

"Yes." He exhaled.

Blaine removed his hand, looking guilty about it, and Kurt rolled up his sleeve all the way.

Then he turned it so they could see.

He had to be honest; it was an absolute mess. Newer cuts were red and enflamed, older ones a dull pink. Some were healing, rough to the touch, and below all of those were the dozens of white scars decorating his porcelain skin.

Gasps were heard. He was pretty sure one was from Puck.

"Kurt...why did you...I mean how did we not..." Tina trailed off.

Rachel was crying, silently, her light sniffles moving her shoulders. Quinn was looking at her lap, probably remembering. Mercedes had her fingers reached out, swaying in the air, inches from his arm.

Sugar looked smug, of course. Artie, Mike, Sam and Rory all looked similar; in a state of surprise, surveying his skin carefully. Mr. Shuester had an expression consisting of shock, realization, and reluctance.

Brittany had buried her head into Santana's shoulder, who was biting her lip, looking...guilty?

"Don't you get it? He did this because of us. This is our fault. Every time I made a gay joke...every time Karofsky pushed him and we didn't do anything...this is our fault." Santana stated, her voice unusually thick with emotion. Her eyes were wet.

"San..." Kurt trailed off. He didn't have the capacity to lie. She'd put it differently, but she wasn't wrong.

"Kurt...is that true?" Mercedes asked, guilt now threaded in her tone.

"No...I mean...well..."

"Of course it is." Finn answered for him.

"No, all of you, just relax." Blaine interrupted. "This isn't all our fault. Yes, we should have seen it. Yes, we all wish we'd said something more, or done something else. But fact of the matter is that it wouldn't have changed what Kurt did later. This is a form of coping with anxiety over simple things. Simple things that stick with him. If it wasn't us, it would have been something else mundane. We're not to blame and neither is he."

Kurt stared in shock, before clearing his tight throat. "Thank you."

"Alright. Well...guys, we're all gonna stay strong for Kurt. We'll help him through this, together, as a family." Mr. Shuester said, standing up and effectively going back into teacher mode. "Let's give him some time to breathe. Why don't you and Blaine go in the hall, while we get started on the lesson?"

Kurt only nodded.

XXXXX

Blaine got into the hall, and as soon as Kurt shut the door behind him, he pulled him into his arms. The kiss was admirable. Proud. Relieved. Exhausted.

When Kurt pulled away, it was only because Blaine and he had begun to sway.

"I'm so proud of you. I am so, so proud of you." He exclaimed, unable to stop pressing little kisses to Kurt's lips.

"That was...I don't even know." Kurt managed to say, and Blaine kissed him again.

"You were so strong. That was amazing." Blaine told him, in between a few more kisses.

Kurt seemed to be in shock, as he was letting Blaine kiss him, but he wasn't returning any. In fact, he was staring off into space, probably with the last events on replay in his mind.

"I wanted to make you proud." Kurt answered honestly, and Blaine froze.

"Did you...I mean was that the only reason you did that? For me?" Blaine asked, reminded of Kurt's words in the choir room; _I want to get better. For you._

"Well...I mean, I guess, yeah." Kurt told him, and Blaine bit his lip.

He detangled himself from Kurt, and sat down, leaning against the lockers. He gestured for his boyfriend to do the same.

"Kurt, I want you to listen to me, okay?" He asked, and Kurt furrowed his eyebrows, but nodded.

"I love you. So much. And we're going to get married, and live together because I'm never going to leave you. But there's a difference between you getting better because I'm helping you, and getting better_ for_ me. You need to do this for yourself. This is about you; your skin, your addiction, your anxiety. Not mine." Blaine told him, and Kurt looked away, his eyes becoming red.

"I don't care about my addiction. But I care about you." Kurt supplied simply.

"No, no, no. Kurt, no. You need to start caring about yourself. Imagine in 10 years, you're auditioning for Broadway. Broadway! Do you wanna have to explain why there are cuts all up your arms? More importantly, do you still want to be battling this addiction then?" Blaine asked, and when Kurt closed his eyes, he kissed the older boy on the nose.

"Of course not Blaine. But I want you to be proud to be with me. That's what I'm holding on to." Kurt said, his head leaning back to rest against the lockers.

"Kurt, I will always be proud to be with you. I am right now. I have been all along. I was yesterday. And five minutes ago. But it can't be about me. I'm proud to be with you, but you need to be proud of yourself." Blaine told him. "Because this is your battle, and I can't fight it for you."

Kurt looked at the ground, and Blaine fretted that he'd said something wrong.

"I don't know if I can." Kurt nearly whispered.

"Can what?"

"Be proud of myself." He admitted. Blaine took his hand, and knew now wasn't the time for false motivation.

"We'll work on it." He promised.

"Okay."

"So. Glee, or movies and jelly beans?" Blaine asked, a grin on his face.

He had a feeling Kurt had been through too much in one day, and would want to relax.

"When Harry Met Sally, here we come." Kurt teased, and stood up.

He held out a hand, and Blaine took it gently, lifting himself off the linoleum floor. When he was standing centimetres from Kurt, his boyfriend leaned in and kissed him on the nose.

XXXXX

They had ducked their heads into the Glee room to announce their departure, and warded off worried '_feel better'_s and '_we love you'_s. They'd driven home in comfortable silence, Blaine once again behind the wheel, Kurt holding his other hand firmly in his.

He contemplated what Blaine had said. He wasn't sure he could do this for himself. He wanted to be better for Blaine. _Blaine. _He didn't care about his skin. He loved tearing into it. There was something wonderful about knowing that somewhere would always be destroyed. He didn't care about his addiction. It had worked all this time. It had been therapeutic in every way, more so than anything else. He didn't care about the dangers of it at all. He knew what he was doing. And he loved it.

But he loved Blaine more. He loved everything about the other boy. He loved how safe he felt in his arms. How connected they were when they held hands. How they could read each other so easily. Just a wobble of Kurt's voice, and Blaine was questioning him. Just a quiver of Blaine's gaze, and Kurt knew he was covering up something. They worked like that. And they loved it.

But once again; he wanted this for Blaine. Truth was, if Blaine wasn't in the picture, he'd rip his skin apart without care.

"Honey? We're home." Blaine said, and Kurt snapped out of his trance. He blushed when he saw that his boyfriend was studying him carefully.

"What were you thinking about?" Blaine asked, his eyebrows knitting in concern.

"I'm not sure if I can stop." Kurt admitted, too tired to lie. What was the point?

"I...I wanna show you something. I was going to give it to you later, but I guess now is just as good." Blaine told him, and Kurt raised an eyebrow.

His boyfriend fished around in his school bag, pushing things out of the way in a hurry. Finally, he pulled out a small gift bag.

"What..." Kurt began, but Blaine hushed him.

"I skipped fourth period and went to buy you this. Don't give me shit, you know how good I am at math, this won't affect my grades." Blaine said, when Kurt frowned. "So this is...well I figured it could be inspiration."

He handed Kurt the bag, and with a flick of his fingers, Kurt took out the tissue paper. Beneath it, he saw...leather? He pulled out a bracelet, a gorgeous one at that. It was a leather cuff, and had ruffles in just the right places. He immediately thought of a dozen things that would go with it. It was simple, yet edgy. It was...Kurt.

"I...It's gorgeous! Where did you even...how did you know...why...?" He stuttered, examining the fantastic cuff more closely.

"I got it at the small shop beside the grocery store. You know, the native place? Figured they might have something. I knew you'd like it. I know your style. And I figured...I mean, you want to get better. And that way you can wear short sleeve shirts, without makeup. I thought that this could be inspiration. You know, it's big, so you can't wear it with sweaters, so...you have to get better to use it in one of your amazingly well put together outfits. I dunno, maybe it's stupid, I just thought it could be something small to hold on to." Blaine told him.

His face was flush with embarrassment, and his hands were fidgeting.

"Blaine...Blaine it's _perfect_." Kurt told him.

Spontaneously, he leaned in and kissed his boyfriend. Because he could be the strong one, right? He could...he could be strong.

**So...the next chappy will be set the next day. Figured I'd skip a little time. You know, keep the ball rolling.**

**And good news...I haven't cut since last time! It's been at least a week! For me, that's good.**

**Review, they honestly help me get better!**

**xo**


	12. Just Breathe

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

When Kurt awoke the next day, he realized that he and Blaine had fallen asleep during the second movie, legs intertwined. He assumed his father had been down there, because their bowl of popcorn was gone, and a blanket had been thrown over them.

Last night has been hectic. Burt and Carole had both tried to talk to him about the cutting, but he had denied them any honesty. He told them he was fine and that he'd talk about it later. Finn had tried as well, and Blaine had ushered him out of the room.

His phone had been going off with texts nonstop, all from the Glee kids. Even Mr Shuester had somehow got his number and texted him a brief message. They were all the same; badly worded thoughts of caring. Timid and unsure, but trying nonetheless.

Kurt appreciated it. Didn't mean he liked them.

They were just another reminder that he was weak enough to turn to self harm. Something that he was no longer sure he could fight.

He had come to the epiphany last night, during When Harry Met Sally. In fact, he was pretty sure Blaine had felt him tense. He didn't say anything, of course. Blaine didn't need to know that he was weakening. That his resolve was crumbling. That he was literally aching for something sharp.

He glanced over at his bedside table, where the beautiful leather bracelet sat. He wanted to get better. He did, yes. It was for Blaine, but it was an urge to recover regardless.

But the need to tear into his skin was nearly unbearable. His fingers traced the scars, occasionally pushing down to scrape his nails against the irritated porcelain. He found a nearly healed slice, and tried his best to rip into it, reopen it, make it hurt again. See red again. He wanted it to be ruined again.

"Stop." Kurt whipped his head up, to see Blaine awake and staring at him, tears in his eyes.

"I can't." He said, his voice strangled.

Once again, he tried to scrape his skin as hard as he could. His fingernails raked against the raised cuts, sparking that amazing pain once again.

Blaine's hand shot out and grabbed his, ripping it away from his arm. He looked up to see Blaine's brown eyes staring at him harshly.

"Yes you can." He said, gesturing to their hands.

Blaine tried to intertwine their fingers, but Kurt balled his fist.

"I don't want to." He whispered.

Blaine grabbed his arm, and pushed down his sleeve, exposing the hundreds of scars. Kurt watched as he inspected the skin. His eyelashes became an umbrella over his eyes, blocking Kurt from seeing what he was thinking.

Blaine's fingertips ghosted across the marked skin of this forearm, both lovingly warm and shockingly cold at the same time. His thumb brushed the newest ones with care, and pushed against the old white scars with controlled pressure.

Kurt didn't move, as he was frozen. He didn't know why. But he was mesmerized watching his boyfriend see him like this. There was no guard. No quick covering of his secrets. He was just...open. And for some reason, he was strangely okay with it.

"I see what you mean." Blaine muttered. "They're kind of beautiful. Not good beautiful though. Bad. Like..."

"A perfect disaster." Kurt supplied for him. He'd been calling it that in his head for years.

"Exactly." His boyfriend said, lightly running the pad of his index finger down the skin.

"That's why I can't stop." He told him. It was the truth. He needed the skin to be marred, because if it wasn't, nothing would be okay.

"Yes you can." Blaine said simply.

Kurt snorted angrily. "You know, you keep saying that, but you do realize that if I wanted to, I could cut again. It's my decision."

"I won't let you." Blaine told him. His fingers disappeared from Kurt's wrist, it feeling cold without the contact.

Kurt sat up, turning away from his boyfriend. His legs dangled over the edge of the bed, and his chin rested on his chest.

"You need to stop this Blaine. You can't solve the whole world's problems. You can't just control me. This is my personal wreck. Stay out of it." Kurt nearly growled.

"Kurt, what are you-"

"Why? Just...why do you insist on helping me? Is it because you feel like it's your job? Cause it's not! Or is it cause you want some accomplishment? Or, I mean, is it because you want me to be normal?" Kurt asked, his breathing speeding up.

He knew from experience that he was going to have a panic attack, and soon. But unfortunately, he was too anxious to stop it in its tracks.

"Honey, relax. Please just relax." Blaine coaxed, but it was too late.

His breath came out in short huffs, and he felt his heart beat out of control. His hands shook against his legs, and he realized he was crying.

Somehow, he had no idea why, Blaine caught on. He took his shoulder and lay him back on the bed. He was too caught up in his attack to fight him.

He was hyperventilating now, his tears splashing against the pillow.

Blaine wrapped around him. Legs, arms, everything. He pressed small kisses to Kurt's hair, cooing small words of relaxation.

He didn't want this. To feel so broken. To be so broken.

"Shhh. Relax. Deep breaths." Blaine coached.

Why did he have to be so stupid all the time? He was going to drive Blaine away.

"Come on Kurt, just breathe. Focus on that."

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale._

Gradually, his heart began to slow with his breathing.

"Almost there, listen to my breathing. Match it." Blaine told him.

Needing oxygen, he complied. When Blaine's breath his forehead lightly, he let his own slip out.

When he had calmed, at least for the most part, he nervously met Blaine's eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whimpered, burying himself in the other boy's chest.

Blaine rubbed his back, kissing his hair once more with feathery care.

"Shhh. No, it's okay. It'll always be okay. I promise." Blaine told him, so close to his ear that he could feel the words.

"But, but I shouldn't have..." He trailed off, a hiccup ending his sentence.

"No, you listen to me. You can't keep it inside. Don't try to be the knight in shining armour all the time. If you need to break down, do it. Just break down. That's okay. It doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're human and that you have feelings." Blaine assured him.

Just for a moment, he didn't contradict it. He let himself believe those words.

"I'm sorry. I am. I shouldn't have questioned you." Kurt murmured, his tears soaking through the thin fabric of his boyfriend's borrowed shirt.

"Kurt, if you want to question me, you can. But I'll tell you the same thing every time. I'm here because I love you. I'm helping you because I love you. I want you to be happy." He explained. As Kurt opened his mouth to argue, Blaine corrected him. "No, real happy. Not the momentary high you get from hurting yourself. I want you to just be happy."

"But if I..."

"I won't let you. Because I'm in love with you and I'm not going to give up on you." Blaine finished. It was final. He wasn't going to give up. He wouldn't.

Kurt let out another hiccup. This one relieved.

"Thank you. Thank you. Oh god, thank you." Kurt cried, not sure why, shaking.

"For what?" His boyfriend asked, still rubbing calming circles on his back.

"For...loving me. For not giving up on me when I disappoint you." He admitted. His tears began to dry.

"Hon, you will never disappoint me. Because I love you, and therefore everything you do. You're such a great person. you're so selfless, and beautiful, and all around amazing. And it kills me that you can't see that, but I will live every day by your side, trying to help you see." Blaine whispered, kissing his cheek.

"You too." Kurt muttered.

"Hmm?"

"You're amazing too. So amazing. You'll see it one day." Kurt told him.

A half chuckle escaped Blaine's lips. "I don't think so."

"Then I'll make you. I'll spend every day trying to make you see it." Kurt told him.

"Okay. Okay, we'll do that. See? We'll make it through this." Blaine murmured.

Soon Kurt found his lips, their mouths moving tenderly, reassuringly, lovingly. The only word to describe it was bliss. And as Kurt lost himself in Blaine, relishing every second of contact, he realized something.

Blaine was right.

XXXXX

"Kurt! Hey! You feeling better?" Rachel called, and he groaned.

Blaine squeezed his hand. They'd been in the school all of five minutes, and the nightmare that was Berry on a mission had found them.

"You know," He said, spinning to face her. "this isn't a problem that's gonna go away overnight. This could take months. Years, even. Oh god...years..."

"No, Kurt, relax baby. One day at a time, right?" Blaine voiced from beside him, and he snapped out of it.

"Right. Yeah." He muttered.

"I'm sorry." Rachel said. "I didn't mean to upset you. Actually, I wanted to show you something."

He raised an eyebrow. "Class starts in less than ten minutes..."

"Don't worry, Mr Schuester cleared it with our teachers! He comes in handy sometimes. Alright, let's go boys." Rachel said, sounding much a like a tour guide, and grabbed Kurt's hand gently.

She tugged them through the weaving mass of students, and it didn't take long to realize they were going to the theatre. Kurt couldn't really complain, he didn't want to go to first period. Actually, he didn't want to let go of Blaine's hand. So more time with his boyfriend was good. Good.

"Rachel, what are we doing here?" He asked as they made it into the auditorium. The door closed behind them, drowning out all the voices from the hallway.

"Oh I am so not spoiling this. You and Blaine go sit your butts down in the front row, and then you can figure it out for yourself." She told them, giving Kurt's hand a quick squeeze before scampering up the stairs and onto the stage.

Kurt followed behind Blaine, their hands still connected, and found seats just like she told them too. Once they had, she smiled at them, in the centre of the stage.

"Kurt, we have a surprise for you." She said, beaming.

"We?" Blaine asked for him.

Before she could answer, the rest of the Glee club, and Mr Schue walked onto the stage, and fell into a formation that screamed _we're going to sing our feelings to you and you can't escape._

Great.

"Kurt, we know you've been struggling. And we know that this may be very hard for you to overcome. But we're hoping that maybe this could help you, just a little bit at least." Will explained, then gestured to Finn.

"Yeah, man. I chose the song. I figured you could relate to it. So...um, yeah." Finn said.

That was the last anyone said. The lights dimmed slightly, and Kurt sensed Blaine studying him carefully. While he certainly didn't want to be serenaded about his weakness, he was interested to hear the song choice.

Music that was vaguely familiar began to play. He recognised it as a Simple Plan song; one that linked with a clear feeling of sadness.

Finn began to sing, taking lead while the rest hummed in the background.

_I want to start by letting you know this_

_Because of you my life has a purpose_

_You helped be who I am today_

_I see myself in every word you say_

Rachel took the next few, and Quinn joined in halfway through.

_Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me_

_Trapped in a world where everyone hates me_

_There's so much that I'm going through_

_I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you_

The entire Glee club, Mr Schue included, sung the chorus, loud and strong.

_I was broken _

_I was choking_

_I was lost_

_This song saved my life_

_I was bleeding_

_Stopped believing_

_Could have died_

_This song saved my life_

_I was down_

_I was drowning_

_But it came on just in time_

_This song saved my life_

Artie took the next two lines, Tina spinning his chair towards Mike, who danced with him while Rachel took the lines after that.

_Sometimes I feel like you've known me forever_

_You always know how to make me feel better_

_Because of you my dad and me _

_Are so much closer than we used to be_

Mercedes belted out the next few lines, smiling at Kurt through watery eyes as the choreography continued.

_You 're my escape when I'm stuck in a small town_

_I turn you up whenever I feel down _

_You let me know like no one else_

The next line was sung just by Mr Schuester.

_That it's ok to be myself_

Once again, they all sang the chorus.

_I was broken _

_I was choking_

_I was lost_

_This song saved my life_

_I was bleeding _

_Stopped believing_

_Could have died_

_This song saved my life_

_I was down_

_I was drowning_

_But it came on just in time_

_This song saved my life_

At this point Kurt was losing it, his resolve crumbling, his tears escaping, the lump in his throat growing. Whether it was the song, or the Glee club, or the whole performance, he didn't know. But it went right to his heart.

Santana and Brittany took the next few, spinning each other around the stage.

_You'll never know what it means to me _

_That I'm not alone_

_That I'll never have to be_

Line by line, they took the chorus, no music, just their voices. Rory, followed by Tina, followed by Rachel.

_I was broken _

_I was choking_

_I was lost_

Silence was heard other than all of them belting out the next sentence.

_This song saved my life_

Line by line once again. Finn, then Artie, then Mercedes.

_I was bleeding_

_Stopped believing_

_Could have died_

All of them, once again, heartbreakingly strong.

_This song saved my life_

Blaine stood up beside him, singing the next few lines with Santana as the music hit again.

_I was down_

_I was drowning_

_But it came on just in time_

They walked up the stairs onto the stage, Kurt stumbling through his tears. They all sang to him, choreography forgotten.

_This song saved my life_

_My life, my life_

_This song saved my life_

_My life, my life_

_This song saved my life_

The last line was obviously supposed to be sung by Finn, but Blaine joined him, the music fading out beautifully.

_This song saved my life._

And that was when Kurt lost it, crying fully as the Glee club hugged him one by one.

He hadn't seen that coming.

**Alrighty. That's it. You like this chapter? Hopefully! The song is This Song Saved My Life by Simple Plan. **

**Guess what? Haven't cut since last time! Yay! I've kind of given Kurt many of my anxiety attributes, I hope it sounded realistic.**

**Thank you for reading, review please!**

**xo**


	13. That's Rich

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Kurt was emotionally drained. After the Glee club had performed they'd sat on the stage, falling into small conversations about pointless nothings. Kurt had sat in Blaine's lap, his hair nestled into the crook of the other boy's neck.

They stayed like that all of first period. Blaine occasionally joining an argument, but continually rubbing Kurt's back, his fingers sometimes finding his neck. Kurt didn't say anything, instead just tried not to cry.

When the bell went, he tensed. He didn't want to go. He never wanted to leave this spot. But he couldn't miss class again, he was already behind...

Blaine seemed to understand.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to. If you think it'll be too much, just say so." He told Kurt, his eyes worried.

The Glee club began to clear out, some kissing him on the cheek, others patting him on the back.

When they'd all gone but Mr Schuester, he felt a tear fall.

"I don't know if I can." He admitted. He really wasn't sure.

"What do you have next?" Will asked, kneeling beside them.

"Chem. I'm already doing badly in that class though and-"

"Kurt. I'm friends with Mr Meyers, I'll talk to him. I won't give details, just let him know that you need some time. Don't worry about it. As for Blaine, what do you have next?" Mr Schuester asked.

"I have Gym with the guys." He answered, still drawing circles on Kurt's shirt.

"Alright. I'll talk to Beiste, she won't mind if you miss. Feel better Kurt." He finished, then left them in the silent auditorium.

They stayed quiet for a bit. Kurt inhaling Blaine's scent, slightly disturbed by the smell of the clothes he borrowed from Kurt, and Blaine holding him tightly.

"I could stay like this forever." Kurt whispered after a while.

"So could I." Blaine told him in a low voice, kissing his forehead.

"I miss when things were simple. When nobody knew." Kurt admitted, one of his tears falling on Blaine's hand. The boy made no effort to wipe it away.

"I don't." Blaine told him simply.

Kurt pulled away, not far enough to feel cold, and looked at his boyfriend, confused.

"I'm so glad this happened. You're so much more honest now, and you're getting better." Blaine explained.

Kurt hummed, and settled back in Blaine's chest.

"I guess."

XXXXX

By lunch the next day, Blaine was struggling. When Kurt wasn't looking, he let his facade drop and his face contorted. He was nowhere near as stable as what everyone thought, and it was getting harder to hide.

He'd stayed at Kurt's again. The two attached at the hip, once again watching movies. Kurt had avoided his father again, and had been forced to promise he'd talk about it tonight. Even Blaine saw the lie, and he was sure Burt had too, but had ignored it. Kurt had cried once. Blaine held him close and comforted him. Like the perfect boyfriend that he wasn't.

He had received countless texts from his parents, all angry, all vicious. All demanding things from him, with insults sprinkled in. Those texts were a constant reminder that he wasn't doing as he should. Along with a few messages from the kids in Glee asking how Kurt was doing.

How Kurt was doing. Never mind Blaine himself. _Blaine_, was losing his mind.

He couldn't keep acting like everything was fine because nothing was.

After what happened yesterday morning, he wasn't sure of anything anymore. Those cuts were a perfect disaster. Disaster he'd expected, but perfect? It scared him. It scared him that now instead of seeming terrible and wrong, it seemed relatable. It seemed valid, and somewhat desirable.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It should be simple. Cutting is bad, not cutting is good. Fight club is bad, not going to fight club is good. But now that cutting seemed okay, fight club did too.

But cutting was so...violent. Dangerous. If Kurt went too far one day...cut too deep, spilled too much blood...The thought nearly sent Blaine into hysterics. But then again, fight club wasn't safe either. Bad. Right?

Blaine's thoughts were swirling, and he was going to lose it soon. Everyone around him was eating lunch with smiles and laughs. Kurt was seated beside him, discussing Broadway with Rachel. Normally Blaine would be smiling proudly at him, encouraging him, or at least paying attention. But no, not today, not now. He couldn't hear anything, it was all a blur.

And with that, he stood up quickly, letting go of Kurt's hand, and walked away. He ignored everyone's questions, and Kurt calling after him. He was lost and confused. He nearly ran out of the caf.

He didn't know where he was going and he didn't know why. All he knew was that he needed to hit something. Hard.

XXXXX

"What the hell was that?" Puck asked, everyone wearing an expression of confusion. Kurt didn't know. All he knew was that Blaine was obviously not doing as well as he'd been saying.

"I don't know, I'm gonna go find him." Kurt said, standing up.

But Finn grabbed his elbow gently, and tugged him back down.

"I'll go. I know where he is." Finn argued, standing up as Kurt squirmed in his chair.

"Finn, he's _my_ boyfriend." Kurt said, becoming more anxious and angry.

"Yeah, and you guys haven't been apart in _days._ Let Finn go, and just relax. He'll be fine." Mercedes told him.

"No. No, I'm going. You guys wouldn't get it. I need him and he needs me. The stuff we've learned about each other in the last few days...Finn, where is he?" Kurt asked, standing up to see somewhat eyelevel with his step brother.

"Kurt..."

"Don't make me hurt you." Kurt threatened, though it was transparent.

Finn raised an amused eyebrow. Kurt knew what he had to do. He felt terrible about it, and he knew it was wrong, but he needed to see Blaine. Blaine helped him and he needed to do the same. He just needed to.

"Finn, don't make me hurt _myself_." The second the words left his mouth, he regretted it.

Everyone froze, their small conversations stopping. Everyone's eyes went wide. Finn looked like he was in pain.

"You wouldn't..." Finn trailed off. Nobody else said anything, probably at a loss for words.

Kurt felt bad. But he wasn't giving up.

"Don't make me. Where. Is. Blaine." He asked, louder and more demanding.

Finn was looking at Rachel, clearly at a loss. She was nodding frantically, obviously devastated that Kurt had even mentioned harming himself again.

"Workout room."

XXXXX

Blaine was getting lost in the punches, hitting the sac over and over again, it swinging back and forth, a red blur. He didn't remember how he'd gotten there. All he knew was that he'd only barely gotten his bowtie off and shirt halfway undone before he'd given up and just started punching.

The beats were rhythmic, and he barely had time to register that they were to the tune of Teenage Dream. Why, he had no idea.

Right as he got to the chorus again, the words playing angrily in his head, movement caught his eye.

He spun to see Kurt standing there, hovering half behind the lockers, a wary look in his cyan eyes. He was biting his lip, his hand absentmindedly rubbing his wrist through his shirt.

"Um...hi." Blaine said. It was a pathetic way to greet him, but he didn't have any other words.

He was panting, his chest heaving, his hair no doubt disheveled as hell.

Kurt stepped forwards, bending down to grab his bowtie off the floor, running his fingers over it to remove any dust.

"You left pretty quick there. Did I do something wrong?" Kurt questioned, doubt in his beautiful eyes.

"Oh my god, no, no you didn't do anything wrong. Truth is, I just kind of stopped handling everything for a few minutes. This happens sometimes...I...sorry." Blaine finished, looking at the ground, a blush pushing at his already flustered cheeks.

"Don't apologise. You just worried me. All of us. I...what do you mean you stopped handling it? I just want to understand, you know?" Kurt asked, stepping a little closer.

"I just...everything kind of swirled in my head. It was just like, ready to burst, and I needed to get it out. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I don't remember getting here. It's all a blur and I was just so lost and overwhelmed...I sound crazy." Blaine muttered, slumping onto the bench.

"B, you don't sound crazy. You literally just described how I feel when I cut. Maybe...maybe we have the same thought process. I run to hurt myself, and you run to hit something. It's understandable." Kurt told him, sitting down beside him, twirling the blue bowtie in his hands.

"I...really?" He asked, finally looking up to meet Kurt's gaze.

"Yes. It's okay to be freaked out. That's what you keep telling me, so I'm sure you believe it. Next time...just talk to me, okay? Instead of running off and nearly giving me a heart attack. I had to manipulate Finn to find out where you were." Kurt said, half chuckling.

"Manipulate?" Blaine asked, catching how Kurt's tone dipped.

"I...um...kind of threatened to hurt myself." His boyfriend admitted, leaning down to put his head on Blaine's sweaty shoulder.

"Kuuuurt." Blaine whined, a protest.

"I wish I hadn't, but I was so worried, okay? Although Cedes made a good point. We've been spending so much time together that it's getting ridiculous. Maybe we should relax on that for a bit. Tina and Mercedes were discussing a movie night at Rachel's. Maybe I should go with them? You could go see your parents...?" Kurt asked, and took his hand.

"No, I can't. They've been, er, texting me the last few days." Blaine muttered.

"And you didn't tell me? Why?" Kurt questioned, and Blaine could hear the pout on his lips.

He fished his cell out of his pocket and passed it to his boyfriend.

Kurt clicked a few buttons and began to read out loud, selecting certain passages. "You're a disgrace...unnatural...that fag..."

"I hate that they talk about you that way." Blaine interrupted.

"Talk about...about _me_ that way? Blaine, do you even hear what they say about _you_? This is terrible. This is..." He trailed off, his head in his hands.

"How it's always been." Blaine said shortly. It came out harsh, but he didn't have the energy to fix it.

"I...I just can't believe they...they're idiots you know that?" Kurt said, handing Blaine back his phone.

He clicked it on to see that the boy beside him had deleted all the hurtful texts.

"I don't know. Yeah, I guess. I mean what they say about you is terrible." Blaine muttered, biting his lip.

"No, Blaine...god, do you realize how stupid you're being?" Kurt asked, exasperated. Blaine raised a frustrated eyebrow.

"I'm not being stupid! My parents hate me, and that's fine because I don't give a shit! I'm not a good son, I'm not what they want, but I just don't...drop it, okay?" He growled, standing up, knocking Kurt ungracefully from his shoulder.

"Blaine, I'm not dropping it! This is an issue that you need to talk to me about!" Kurt half shouted.

They were both standing now, a few feet apart, anger written plain on their flustered features. Blaine was still lightly panting, and Kurt still had the bowtie between his delicate fingers.

"What if I don't want to talk about it?" Blaine asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Are you serious? That's rich Blaine, coming from you. You, of all people! This isn't a one way street! You spend all this time, telling me exactly how much I matter, and how I need to talk to you, and that I need to believe in myself and love myself. And then you consider it all bullshit when applied to you? No, it doesn't work that way!" Kurt yelled, his face becoming red.

The words were heartbreaking, especially come from him, but they rolled off Blaine, because he just couldn't let them in.

"You don't control me, Kurt!" Blaine shouted, shaking.

Kurt shook his head, mouth hanging open.

"Even richer! You can't control me either! So don't you tell me that I can't cut! Screw you Blaine! I...I'm going to Rachel's house after school, you do...whatever the hell you want." Kurt finished, his eyes tearing.

With that he threw the bowtie at Blaine, who barely had time to catch it due to how lost he was, and stormed out. Blaine was left standing there, swaying, even more conflicted than a ten minutes ago.

**Alright, some Blangst and fighting! Don't worry, next chapter they'll make up, duh.**

**I haven't cut at all, yay!**

**Thanks for reading, review!**

**xo**


	14. Alone

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Kurt made it to his locker before breaking down. He tried to hide his tears, but his shoulders shook and he couldn't open his lock. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it), The Unholy Trinity managed to find him there, sobbing against his locker.

"Kurt? Oh my god, are you okay? What's wrong?" Quinn asked, grabbing him by the arms.

He couldn't find any words, so instead he continued to cry. Everything was so wrong, and nothing was okay anymore. Blaine was a constant, and without his support, he couldn't breathe properly. And right now he was hyperventilating.

"Come on Porcelain." Santana said, pulling him down the hall. The four stumbled into the girls' bathroom, Kurt still trying to breathe.

"Kurt, why are you crying?" Brittany asked, her eyes filled with deep concern.

"I...Blaine...he...we...fought..." Kurt tried to explain, between choked cries.

"Oh hell no, Ima go all Lima heights on his ass." Santana said fiercely, causing Kurt to remember his and Blaine's conversation a few days ago.

"_I know...he better not tell Rachel. I'll go all Lima Heights on his ass." Kurt said, but his tone was fearful._

"_I'd be happy to do that for you." Blaine joked, and put a hand on Kurt's knee._

"_I might have to take you up on that offer, Anderson." Kurt said, his tone flirtatious, with a dirty underside._

"_Well chosen, Hummel." _

Oh god, what if he and Blaine were never that close again? What if Blaine hated him now? What if he was left alone and oh shit, what if he had to stop cutting all by himself...what if he...what if he couldn't? Oh god, he was such a letdown already, and he was so weak, and...

"Kurt?" Britt was saying, and he snapped his head upwards, realizing he'd slid down the wall to sit on the floor, tears streaming.

"Honey you need to calm down." Quinn said, kneeling in front of him. He tried to steady himself, but a hiccup escaped him.

"I think I j-just ruined everything. Blaine, he's always so amazing, and h-he helps me with everything, and I freaked out on him, and oh god." He sniffed.

Santana and Brittany sat beside Quinn, forming a protective barrier around him. Normally he'd find it constrictive, but it made him feel safe.

"Why did you freak out on little Blainers?" Brittany asked, and San elbowed her in the ribs gently.

Kurt shook his head. "He's acting crazy. His parents hate him, and you should see the things they text him...the things they _call_ him. God, they're so mean, I don't know how he's survived. And w-when I confronted him about it, he defended them. I don't know why he's doing that, they're so terrible." He finished, dissolving into more tears.

"Maybe he's like, just hoping that they'll stop?" Quinn suggested, but he grumbled.

"No. He knows it'll always be like this. I just don't know why he's so quick to accept that and actually act like it's okay." Kurt said, sniffling slightly.

"That's kind of ridiculous. I mean, I'm totally not defending my grandma...it's her loss, and while deep down I love her, she made a big mistake." Santana explained, and Brittany leaned in to kiss her lightly.

Kurt turned his head away, unable to look at love right then.

"Kurtsie, I think I understand this." Britt said, and Kurt resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Sometimes, when someone loves their parents so much, they make excuses for them because they can't accept that their parents don't love them the same way."

"That...makes sense actually." Kurt muttered, and San smiled proudly.

"See Kurt, it'll be okay. Now that you understand-" Quinn began, but he interrupted.

"Quinn, I get where you're coming from, but _you _need to understand that this fight felt...different. We've argued before, but this time we both crossed some lines and blew up. I'm worried it might be...final." Kurt said, his eyes welling up again.

"Never say that. You two just need to take some time and cool off. What were you gonna do after school?" Quinn asked, holding his hand in a friendly way.

"Mercedes and Tina invited me to a movie night at Rachel's." He told them.

"Perfect! We'll come too and it'll be a girls' night, just like old times." Santana said, clapping her well manicured hands together.

"You do know that I'm not a girl, right?" Kurt said, anger flaring slightly at the association and stereotype.

"Yeah, I know. But would you rather I call you dude and send you off to play violent video games all night with the guys?" She said, raising an eyebrow.

Quinn chuckled, and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Definitely not." He agreed, and Brittany held out a hand for him to fist bump, and he did.

"Good. Now, don't even try to talk to Blaine. You both need time to think." Quinn ordered. "It's time for me to play relationship counsellor."

"Um, no. Nooooo. You will not be messing with my relationship with Blaine, and you will certainly not-" Kurt tried to say, but Quinn simply got up, winked, and left.

"Damnit."

XXXXX

Blaine hit the wall again and again. He hadn't left the empty workout room, despite the fact that his class had started ages ago. He didn't care, he just needed to hit something. Over and over and over until he...well, couldn't anymore.

He had switched from the bag to the brick barrier a while ago, and his knuckles were already bleeding. He could feel the pain, but he didn't give a shit.

Everything was out of control.

He'd messed up. He'd hurt Kurt. The last thing he'd wanted to do, and yet he'd done it. He hated seeing the tears well up in his cyan eyes, his cheeks flush and his face crinkle in pain. And it was all because of Blaine.

Kurt had saved him these last few days, and vice versa. They'd learned about each other, coped together, planned with one another...Their relationship had progressed hugely on an emotional scale. Their connection was deeper now, stronger, unable to be broken.

Or...was it?

_Punch, punch, punch,_

What if somehow his words snapped it? What if he had just ended the only good thing in his life, all because of some stupid argument? It was just that...god, Kurt didn't understand. He hadn't lived with that treatment since he was fourteen. He hadn't grown accustomed to it, made excuses for it, doubted it, hated it, accepted it..._lived_ with it.

Blaine startled when someone cleared their throat. His heart leapt in the hope that it was Kurt, that he wasn't going to leave him forever and that he still wanted him, but...no. It was Quinn Fabray.

"Um...hi? What are you...I mean..." Blaine trailed off, confused.

"Why is the girl who failed in all her relationships here trying to help you with yours?" She asked, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Look, I may not be an expert, but I know a fixable situation when I see one." She further added. She moved gracefully to sit on the bench, and patted the spot next to her. He moved closer, ringing his now aching hands, but didn't sit.

"You weren't there." He mumbled.

"I got the gist from Kurt." She told him, moving to sit cross legged on the sickeningly bright red bench.

"He talked to you? Is he okay? Does he hate me?" Blaine rattled off, his interest overcoming the awkwardness in the room as he sat down in front of her, one leg on each side of the thin seat.

Quinn ran a hand through her short hair, and his eyes caught on something. It was like déjà vu and...oh. _Oh._ Those were her scars. They were faded and healed, but still there, barely. She saw his stare and pulled down her sleeve, blushing.

"Kurt could never, ever hate you. Actually, he was more upset thinking you would hate him. We found him in the hallway, sobbing so hard he couldn't open his locker. Poor thing...Santana, Britt and I got him into the bathroom, and he was a mess. Broke down, fell to the floor and everything. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd punch you for Santana." She said, a small flicker of a threat in her tone.

"But...you do know better?" He asked, confused.

"I know that fights just happen. Whether you want them to or not. Both of you are so worried sick about the other, that you don't care about yourselves. And that in turn pisses the other off. You just need some space, alright? Kurt's gonna have a movie night with the girls. Maybe sleep over, I dunno. You should hang out with the guys. I know it's not really your thing, and I know you're about to object," She said as he opened his mouth, hushing him. "but it'll get your mind off things. Try Mike, I know you guys get along. I heard he was going to go skateboarding with Puck and maybe Sam."

"I...I don't even know how to skateboard." He admitted, heat flushing through his cheeks.

Quinn smirked.

"Neither did I until I dated Puck for the short time that I did." She offered. "Just go. Learn how. Have fun, relax, and stop thinking so hard. By the end of the night, your head will be clear, so will Kurt's, you can make up and have 'I'm sorry' sex." She grinned.

Blaine looked at his hands bashfully, unsure of what to do.

"I'm serious Anderson. I'm not going to question you on your words like everyone else. Sometimes we stay stupid shit. It happens. Oh and put some Polysporin on your hands, idiot." She finished, standing up to smile at him, this time kindly.

"I...yeah." He said lamely.

As she walked out of the workout room, he swore he heard something along the lines of "Bet you'll ride Kurt better than a skateboard, though."

XXXXX

Kurt didn't talk to Blaine for the rest of the day. He was tempted all through his classes to whip out his phone and send a quick text, or simply leave in search of him. He missed him more than seemed possible. Maybe it was because of his resolve to keep distance, but whatever it was, it was driving him insane.

When the final bell went, he sighed in relief. At least now he could distract himself with movies and gossip and sassy arguments.

Well, he thought so, until he literally bumped into Blaine in the hallway. Their binders collided, falling to the floor with a clatter. Kurt blushed up to his ears with newly found awkwardness.

Blaine and he both bent down to grab the books and papers, but ended up grabbing half of each other's things. It took a few moments to figure out, but once they did, both stood up and avoided eye contact.

Blaine gently reached out after a minute, and pulled down his sleeve. He hadn't realised it was up far enough for the world to see his scars.

"I...feel like I'm in a cheesy movie." He said with a huff, looking up at his favorite hazel eyes.

"Me too. Look, we'll...talk later. We need space. I...I still love you." Blaine told him, but it felt strange.

"I'll always love you." Kurt told Blaine.

With that, his boyfriend shuffled awkwardly, and ended up walking away without a kiss, hug, or goodbye. That stung more than anything.

Kurt hurried to his locker, blinking back more tears. That...asshole. Ugh, no he shouldn't think that. But god, he's been so insensitive. No, he hadn't. Yes he had, he didn't say goodbye. Well, maybe he was just being awkward.

Kurt realized he was arguing with himself, internally may he add, and groaned. He packed up his stuff quickly, not bothering to bring home his extra math homework. Screw it, he was having a carefree night.

Maybe it would do good to forget about Blaine. He'd never thought about it before, but they did spend a ton of time together. Maybe Blaine was sick of him. That would make sense. He smothered him with his problems. Ones he couldn't control, even ones he could. And now with the self harm and drama and...ugh. No wonder Blaine had snapped. Kurt was being a drama queen. He was needy. He wouldn't be surprised if Blaine complained about him later that night.

He saw a flash of a red and yellow letterman jacket and flinched , but it didn't help. A slushie hit him in the face, ice cold and like a hundred knives to the skin. He gasped, barely able to breathe. He figured it was safe, and opened his eyes. He thought wrong.

Another slushie hit him full force, this time going in his eye. He couldn't help but cry out, as it hurt like hell. It stung his corneas, and got caught under his lids, scraping at them. Fuck, that hurt.

"Having fun, ladyboy? Where's your knight in shining armour? Don't see him here to protect you." Azimio laughed, and Kurt tried to blink away the remaining ice and coloring, to no avail.

"I don't need anyone to protect me from idiots." Kurt snapped, before he thought about it.

Instantly he was pinned against the locker, and his breath caught in his throat. Azimio had him trapped, and he clenched his eyes shut, trying to squirm away.

"What the hell did you call me?" He asked angrily, and Kurt could hear the other jocks laughing, while everyone else just walked by.

He wanted to fight. To push him or spit on him or yell or _something. _But Azimio was as unpredictable as it gets, and he couldn't risk it. Not without Blaine here, or Finn, or even Mercedes. Not alone. And alone was what he was.

"Nothing." He choked, tears pricking at his already pained eyes. Azimio grinned as he let him fall to the floor hard, knees buckling and ass hitting the linoleum painfully.

"That's right, faggot. Nothing." The jock said, high fiving his buds before they walked away.

Then Kurt lost it.

**Next chapter up SOON. I had writers block for ages, and then all of a sudden I got bit by the amazing idea bug. So, I'm ending this and going straight to work on the next one, expect it within the next few days.**

**Also, I regret to inform you that in the process of coming out, I lost all my friends and nearly all my family, bullying is out of control, my mother won't allow me to switch schools and oh, I hate myself. So yes, I gave in and cut again. I regret it, but I don't have much control right now. Oh well.**

**Thanks for reading guys; review? They make me smile! xo**


	15. Never Far Apart

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

By the time Kurt got out to his car, he was hyperventilating. He couldn't think straight, see straight, breathe straight. Everything was a mess and it hurt. Slushie was still in his eye, and it had seeped through his shirt and into his cuts. It stung like hell but he liked it, it was almost like cutting, and it felt right. But god, his back had slammed into a lock and he hadn't felt it until now. Fuck, it was agony. Every time he moved it sent a jolt through him, and he almost wondered if it had managed to do serious damage. He knew it would at least bruise like hell.

He clambered into his vehicle, sticky, disoriented, and crying. He couldn't get a handle on his breath, and flew out faster and faster, a familiar heat rising in him. He felt a well known dizziness hit him hard, and he immediately knew he was having a panic attack. He didn't have the strength to cut it off though. Not without Blaine, or even Burt, or anyone at all. Alone, he didn't stand a chance.

He looked at the Navigator's clock. Technically he had time to go home but he couldn't drive all the way there like this, not with anxiety bubbling up. He knew Rachel's house was only a few miles away; it would be easier to get there. He had a feeling all the girls would be waiting for him, and he had no idea how he'd explain himself.

He focused on getting his nearly numb shaky hands to move, putting his key in the ignition with a lot of effort. He turned it, still feeling like his veins had been filled with air; the strange sensation he'd always associated with anxiety. The vehicle started, and he leaned his still dripping wet head against the steering wheel.

_Breathe, Kurt. Come on, fucking breathe. Think of...something good. Something that could calm you down. Well, the only thing that ever did that was cutting, but all your blades are gone and your house is kiddy proofed and-_

_Wait. Rachel's house isn't. She'd surely have knives or razors or blades._

_So there is hope._

Kurt already felt himself calming, his breathing evening out slightly, his pants of air becoming less frequent. His head began to clear, and he felt a smile tug at his lips. Soon he'd have his perfect disaster back and everything would be okay.

XXXXX

By the time Kurt got to Rachel's, mild panic had set in. He was still soaked, shaking, and mildly hyperventilating. His back was on fire, and he winced at the thought of moving. It was worse than he thought when he did get out of the car; he had to stop as tears streamed hot down his face. Stupid fucking Azimio.

He staggered up to the door, crying and breathing raggedly. _Well, what a nice entrance_. He knocked on the door, and heard Rachel call 'Kurt's here! I know that knock!' Normally he would have grinned. _Normally._

She opened the grand door, and he watched her face drop. She took in his tears, his pants, his ruined hair and outfit, all dyed blue and red. He sniffed.

"Oh my god Kurt! What the happened to you!" She exclaimed, dramatic enough for Broadway.

Kurt already felt claustrophobic enough to run back out the door. But...

"I...Azimio happened to me." He stuttered out, wiping at his eyes.

Tina and Mercedes appeared from downstairs. It hurt to see Mercedes freak out, but she'd seen him at his worst. It was literally unbearable to see Tina's face form a devastated expression. He looked at the ground.

"Kurt, who the hell did this? I am going to personally-" Mercedes started, but he finished for her.

"Sit the fuck down and not do anything. I'm okay." He said, getting raised eyebrows for his language.

"Holy shit, you are _not _okay." Quinn's voice sounded, and he looked up to see her emerge from the basement as well, bag of twizzlers in hand.

"Yes, I am. It looks w-worse than it is." He stuttered, the cold starting to make him shiver. Add that to the fact that he still couldn't breathe right...

"Hey guys, we brought some booze-" Santana's voice stopped from behind him, and he heard Brittany gasp.

"Kurt, what the hell? You're bleeding." She said, her usual sass gone from her voice. It was now cold and purely...naturally scared.

"I am not-" Kurt paused as he heard Rachel gasp as she saw his back.

Experimentally, he moved his back, twisting the muscle. He hissed in pain. He gently put a hand where it originated from. He encountered ripped fabric and felt something wet. Oh god, now he really was going to hyperventilate. When he brought his hand back in front of him, it was red. Not dripping or anything dramatic but still crimson red.

"Holy shit I am." He mumbled, mostly to himself.

By now Mercedes and Tina had moved behind him while he was in his trance. Mercedes had tears in her eyes and Tina looked lost. He spun to see Brittany curled into Santana's side, and Quinn standing beside Rachel, both frozen in shock.

"...Fuck, _explain_." San ordered, and whether it was instinct or autopilot, he did as he was told.

"It was nothing...I mean, when Azimio threw me up against a locker, he pinned me against a lock. I didn't even feel it at the time..." He trailed off, going cold at the thought of having to go to a hospital or having his dad find out...oh god, _Blaine._

"Some kind of lock!" Rachel half shouted, her hands hovering in the air, like she was scared to touch him.

Finally, he managed to take it in. They all looked terrified...like scared enough to call someone. Crap, he needed to do some damage control.

"Crap, what was that lock made of? Razor blades?" Tina said, before they all froze at the mention of the dangerous object. It was how this all started anyways.

Tina immediately shrunk on the spot, looking extremely guilty. Kurt shook his head.

"Girls, just relax, okay? Seriously. You're acting like this is a big deal. I've been hurt before." He said. Mercedes opened her mouth to argue, probably loudly, but he held up his stained hand. "I'm serious. Nobody is overreacting and calling someone. Rachel, let me use your bathroom? I'll shower and get the slushie out of my hair, and then I'll deal with...whatever this is. I'm sure it's just a scrape that broke the skin. Relax, o-okay?"

His breathing had gone of its own accord again, and he was shaking once more.

"I...Kurt..." Rachel mumbled, looking lost.

"Rachel, please. I don't need any more stress right now." He choked out, playing the self harm card again, feeling just as guilty.

"Yeah. Okay."

XXXXX

Blaine wobbled on the skateboard, and Sam grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him forwards along the pavement. Puck was chuckling at his scared expression. They'd been trying this for the last half an hour, and slowly he was getting more balance, and therefore more confidence.

"Hold on, grab my hand...or arm, I guess." He added as an afterthought. He was gay after all.

"Hand it is, my favorite homosexual." Puck teased, grabbing his hand while Sam spotted him. It was out of character for Puckerman, but maybe he was trying to help Blaine after the stressful week he'd been through.

"I'm gonna push off, or whatever. You better catch me if I fall Sam, I will actually kill you if you don't." He said, but there was a smile on his lips.

"He'll catch you with his mouth." Came a familiar accent, and Blaine turned his head to see Rory walking over to them with a grin.

He nearly wobbled on the precarious skateboard as he tried to turn back the way he was before. He breathed deeply, trying to get a handle on his nerves.

"Alright...seriously, fucking spot me, I'm not dying here." He muttered, but there was no power behind it.

Puck grabbed his hand harder, and he took one foot and pushed the ground only a little at first. The skateboard move about an inch, sending him nearly falling. Sam put a hand on his back, steadying him.

"It's best if you push harder. That way it glides over the bumps and stuff rather than getting stuck." Puck advised him, and gulped.

Now or never, he supposed.

Gripping Puck's hand tightly, his other arm out in the air to steady him, he pushed forwards with more force. The board rolled at a fair velocity, Puck walking alongside quickly to keep up. He fought a smile as he realized he was balancing.

"That's it! Push off again, more this time!" Sam told him, jogging to fall in place behind once more.

He did so as he began to slow, but soon found the world shifting from underneath him. The board shot away and he was falling, yelping out for help, but Sam and Puck caught him in their arms.

The three fell to the sidewalk, and Rory caught up, grabbed the skateboard and sat beside them. They were silent for a minute.

"So I'm getting better." Blaine said. His tone had sarcasm laced in it, and he realized with a shock he'd just teased. He hadn't felt this...normal, in a long time.

Puck and Sam exchanged glances, then looked at Rory, then him. Suddenly nobody could help it anymore, and they burst out laughing, gut bending laughter, to the point where they couldn't breathe anymore.

Blaine thought his side was going to split, and he felt the beaming grin on his still chuckling face start to ache. He was...happy.

"Shit dude, you weren't kidding when you said you had no balance." Puck said, causing more painful giggles all around.

They were sprawled across the pavement now, getting looks from passersby as they lay there hiccupping.

"I can barely..." Blaine laughed again breathlessly. "barely ride a bike."

This caused Sam to start laughing further, and even though this was all at his expense, he couldn't be happier with it.

"You know, the girls back home would be all over you. They love an uncoordinated short guy." Rory said, but it was clear he was being serious.

That caused only more side splitting laughter, Blaine included.

"He'd be into the boys, Lucky Charms." Puck said, as they all huffed, their cheeks aching.

"No, he'd be into Kurt." Sam corrected, and Blaine's vision flashed.

_Tears on Kurt's face, the hurt expression that he alone had caused._

Blaine sat up immediately, biting his lip. The other three guys remained lying down, breathing exhaustedly.

"Um...would I be ruining the day if I like..." He trailed off, biting down hard enough to draw blood on his lip.

"Talked about Kurt?" Rory finished for him, and Blaine sighed. "No."

"I think I screwed up. I hurt him, and Quinn said he was crying, and he couldn't open his locker and...he needs me so much right now. And I realize that I need him too, but it's just...he doesn't understand my issues, and sometimes I don't understand his and...ugh." He fell backwards, laying down again and squinting his eyes against the sun.

"Dude, I still don't get why he hurts himself." Puck said, and Blaine groaned.

"Because he feels like that's all he can do to cope. When something bad happens, he just turns to it because that's all he's ever known, and I don't know how to get him out of that mindset." Blaine answered.

He opened his eyes, staring at the sunset above them. It was getting later, and he kept wondering what Kurt was doing right now. Laughing with the girls about gossip and silly things, watching romantic comedies...

"I dunno, man. You should just keep reminding him that you're here, and so are we. I think it's better that way; when you know you have support and not expectations." Sam explained, and Blaine sighed.

"Yeah, I know. But he just won't accept anything. It's like...like he doesn't want to get better. Like he just wants it to be over and for everyone to forget, and then deal with it all then. Or not deal with it, that is. I don't think he wants to stop." Blaine nearly whispered, rolling his head to the side in order to look at the other boys.

"I'm sure there's a part of him that wants to. You just gotta find it, and help him see that it's the right way of thinking. That way, he'll see everything clearly." Rory told him.

"I hope so." He muttered.

Before he could do anything else, his phone rang. He fished it out of his pocket, blushing at the Lazy Song ringtone, and checked the collar ID. Mercedes. Okay...weird.

He pushed the talk button and raised it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Boy, you need to get over here, now." She said, her voice panicked and breathy.

He sat up in an instant.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his own voice becoming scared.

"Kurt came home covered in slushy, and said Azimio pinned him to a locker. But then his back was bleeding, not like badly but still, and he convinced us to let him take a shower, but he's been in the bathroom for an hour, and when he turned off the water we could hear him crying, and he won't come out and...we're freaked out. What if he's...you know...?" She ended, Blaine already on his feet, pacing.

The boys looked at him expectantly, but he couldn't focus. His heart had frozen over.

"Shit...shit, okay. I'll be there really soon, try and like...talk to him, get him to answer. He can't...ugh I'm on my way." He told her, starting to cry.

What if Kurt...no. No, he wouldn't cut again would he? Ugh, yes he damn well would. And what about his back? What about his feelings? This...this could ruin everything. It could _end_ everything.

He ended the call.

"Puck, you need to break every speeding law there is." He said sternly, following the already jogging boy to his jeep.

"Duh. Where are we going?" Sam asked, his face worried as he hopped in the back seat with Rory.

"Rachel's. Hurry."

**Alright guys. Next chapter will include Kurt cutting; just a warning. If that is triggering to you, you may want to skip past it or something.**

**Thanks for all your support, darlings!**

**Review?**

**xo**


	16. Gone Too Far

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

WARNING: TRIGGERS. If you think it might be too much, skim it or skip it. It's pretty bad in this chapter.

**Beside You**

Kurt lasted 10 minutes in the shower. That's all it took for the slushie to wash out, or at least mostly, and for him to whine in pain as the wound on his back stung under the hot water.

He hadn't looked at it getting in, knowing that the blood would trigger him. He still had his plans, but he needed to get out of his sticky clothes and hopefully find a way to calm his shaking limbs. He was using the guest bathroom, knowing that there was a higher chance of finding something sufficiently sharp in there.

When he shut off the water, he took a shuddery breath and stepped into the cold air, grabbing a towel to dry his hair half heartedly. When it was semi dry, he moved the towel down to wipe water off his stomach, legs and arms.

He paused, staring at his tear striped face in the still slightly foggy mirror.

Slowly, he spun around to face his back to the reflective surface, sighed, and looked.

The gash wasn't deep, but blood was still emerging from it. He gently reached back to move the skin, wincing as it pinched in protest.

A bead of crimson blood emerged, immediately sending the urge through him.

Just like that, he wasn't rational anymore. He pulled on the pj pants Rachel had taken from her fathers' room, and stumbled to his knees.

He yanked open the cabinet under the sink, his thoughts swimming.

He was alone. Nobody cared about him anymore. He was annoying and useless and weak. Blaine didn't love him anymore. Neither did his dad, or any of his friends. They were downstairs watching movies and he was forgotten. Wasn't he always? He couldn't remember a time when he felt included.

And it was all just so fucked up. When did everything fall apart? When did his walls crumble? When did his life unravel and the seams?

Blaine. Of course it was Blaine. He'd been the one who wanted to tell the Glee club. He was the one who had told Burt. In fact, he was the one to make him stop. He's dragged the razor blade away on the bathroom floor, and it felt like Kurt was breaking.

Then again, who had gotten Blaine? Finn. Finn had seen him in the hall. Followed him to the bathroom. Made him open the door. He'd been the one to set Kurt off again. He'd seen the blood and freaked out like everyone else.

But...Finn never would have found him if he'd hidden better. Or maybe if he'd been strong enough to not give in. He was fucking weak.

And now he was giving up. You'd think that he'd feel anger or pain. Or sadness. But all he felt was relief.

And what hurt the most, was that his life and had unraveled in a matter of three days. Irony at its cruelest.

He found a blade under the sink, and sobbed with new found happiness. It was probably one of Rach's dads, but he couldn't care less cause there it was, glimmering in the low lighting, sharp against his water soaked fingers.

He didn't even pause to breathe. He pushed it to his inner wrist and pulled across, gasping as he felt what he'd missed most. He'd gone longer without cutting, sure, but this was different. He'd been banned, and until now, he didn't think he'd felt anything at all.

Quickly, he cut again, clenching his fist as the pain ebbed away to a dull sting. He realized then that he was sobbing. He was in hysterics.

He couldn't help the sobs that choked out of him, and his small whines. He should care, he should, but he didn't. There were people in the house, they could hear, they could call, but he just didn't care.

With more force, he sliced again, blood raising into beads that dripped off his skin onto his bare chest.

He'd moved to sit back against the tub, the cold marble pushing against his back painfully, but not bad enough for him to care.

Someone knocked on the door, but he was in a trance and barely registered it.

"Kurt?" Someone called through the wooden door, but he didn't listen. He'd locked it, he was safe, it was just him and his perfect disaster.

"Kurt answer, you're freaking us out." One of the girls told him, but he sliced again, this time his other arm, biting his lip as a tear fell onto his chest.

"Kurt, if you don't answer we'll call someone!"

He didn't care. He cut again.

"I'm serious!"

He didn't care. He cut again.

"I'm calling Blaine!"

He paused. Blaine. Oh this was going to ruin him. A sob erupted Kurt, loud enough for everyone to hear. He bit back a cough.

He heard muffled voices and worried conversations. But he was fucked now anyways.

So he cut again.

Longer.

Harder.

Faster.

Deep-

Something snagged. He'd felt it tug and that wasn't normal. It sent a jolt to his heart as he saw blood start to pour. Not bead, not dribble, but pour.

His brain wasn't even working properly, what had happened? Red was everywhere and it hurt and it felt like he was emptying and-

_Stop it. Stop the bleeding_. Rational thinking was yelling at him.

He grabbed a towel, tears still streaming, now cold, and pushed down on his wrist, hissing as it hurt.

Oh god. It hit him like a freight train. He'd cut a vein. Maybe an artery.

He'd read horror stories online about people who'd gone too far, cut too deep, but had always told himself no, not me.

And oh god, Blaine was right. It only took one innocent mistake. A fraction more pressure.

He already felt light headed, but whether that was real or imaginary, he didn't know.

The only thing he did know, was that the towel wasn't white anymore, and panic was setting in.

XXXXX

Blaine nearly tumbled out of the jeep in his haste to get in the house. He heard Puck's warning to be careful, but he ignored it and ran to the front door of Rachel's house. Instead of knocking, he tried the doorknob and upon it being unlocked, he slammed it open.

In the foyer Quinn and Tina were pacing nervously, shooting each other nervous looks. They saw Blaine and instead of looking relieved, they looked even more scared.

"Where?" He asked, although it was more of a statement.

"Upstairs." Tina told him. "Just...hurry."

Blaine took it as a bad sign that they were both near tears. He ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time, nearly stumbling more than once. He reached the second floor and fell to his knees by the bathroom door where Rachel and Mercedes were sitting.

"He hasn't answered us, the door is locked and we could hear him crying and oh god..." Rachel trailed off, frantic.

Santana was pacing anxiously a few feet away, despite Brittany's efforts to calm her. But Blaine couldn't think about that because _Kurt._

He rapped on the door.

"Kurt? It's Blaine honey. Please. Answer me." He called through the wooden barrier, his voice cracking twice.

He heard a choked sob. He pressed his ear to the wood.

"Kurt, you need to answer me right now. Are you okay?" He asked, his heart jumping. It was killing him that he couldn't get to his boyfriend. He couldn't see him or hold him and god, it hurt.

Another heart wrenching sob.

"Kurt? Are you okay?" He called, his own eyes tearing with fear.

"No." Came Kurt's voice, and oh it was strangled and pained but it was audible thank god.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Blaine called again, and couldn't help but notice that Mercedes now had her head on Rachel's shoulder, crying quietly.

"I...yes." Kurt answered, and Blaine bit back a cry of his own.

"Baby you need to open the door. You need to." He said, listening intently. He heard Kurt cry again.

"I can't." He finally answered. Blaine tried not to growl with frustration.

"You gotta let me in babe. You can do it." Blaine coaxed, hoping to god that when he swung the door open he'd be okay.

More silence. Then a sob.

"No...you...you don't understand. I _can't._" Kurt choked out, and Blaine felt himself freeze.

He didn't question it further or think about it or anything because Kurt needed him and he needed to be there for Kurt.

Standing up, he motioned for the girls to move. They shuffled a good two feet away.

"Kurt, are you near the door?" He asked, mentally preparing himself.

"No." Kurt said weakly.

With that, he backed up, angled his shoulder, and rammed into the door. It didn't open, and pain shot through him, but he heard a crack. He rammed it again, harder this time, and he felt it nearly open. It was clear the lock was now close to broken, and he winced thinking about hitting it again. Taking a deep breath, he gave one last glance to a shocked looking Rachel before slamming into the door full force.

It whizzed open, causing him to nearly stumble. The door bounced off the wall and then off his now hurt shoulder, but he didn't care because he was frozen.

Kurt was sitting against the tub, _covered _in blood. He was holding a towel tightly to his wrist and he was sobbing, in absolute hysterics.

"Kurt. Oh god Kurt.." Blaine fell to his knees again, this time closely to Kurt. His mind wasn't working and there was red everywhere and he could hear the girls crying and he realized he was too and _get it together._

"I'm so sorry Blaine, I-m s-so sorry." Kurt cried, his whole body shaking.

"No, no honey It's okay, deep breaths." He soothed, even though it seemed worthless and out of place.

He grabbed another towel off the rack and pushed it over the other that was soaked through. His hands were now staining red and his mind was spinning but he knew he had to think straight for Kurt's sake.

"How bad is it?" Blaine asked, not daring to remove the fabric on his wrist.

Kurt hiccuped and shook once again. Blaine instantly felt the need to protect overpower him, and he wrapped himself around his boyfriend the best he could.

"It...I d-don't know. I'm so s-sorry Blaine, I didn't m-mean to go too far, d-don't hate me-" He was saying, his voice stretched thin.

"No, no I know, and I don't hate you, I could never, I will never. I just...shit do you think you hit an artery?" Blaine asked, his brain finally kicking in.

"Mhm. I'm s-so s-sorry I-" Kurt cut off with sob.

"Oh god, babe..." Blaine shut his eyes and took a breath. Time seemed to be going slowly, because he'd only been in here like thirty seconds.

He whipped his head around to see Rachel and Santana in the doorway, both crying, hands over their mouths. He could hear Mercedes in the hall, crying with who he assumed to be Brittany.

"Call 911." He ordered fiercely, in shock.

"Wh...what?" Rachel asked, the color in her cheeks draining.

"Call 911 Rachel, and if you can't, get someone who can!" He shouted, loud enough that he was positive the boys downstairs heard.

Sure enough, two seconds later they, along with Quinn and Tina, came running up the stairs.

Kurt mumbled something mid cry and Blaine snapped his attention back to him urgently.

"What is it? Too many people?" He asked knowingly, and Kurt nodded hysterically, shifting the now half soaked towel on his arm.

Blaine detached himself from Kurt quickly, and shut the door in everyone's faces, shooting them a strong glare.

He then shuffled back to Kurt, situating himself between Kurt's spread legs.

"Shh baby, breathe, you need to breathe. The ambulance will be here soon; you gotta relax." He told Kurt.

He put his forehead against Kurt's sweaty one, looking into his cyan eyes closely. He took his hands and put one around the other boy's waist, and the other pushing firmly against the towel.

"I...I d-don't wanna die, Blaine." Kurt told him, then whimpered. He fucking _whimpered._

Oh god, Blaine was gonna lose it. He shook his head quickly; determined to fix this, to make it better; that was his job.

"You are not going to die. The paramedics are going to come, we're gonna go to the hospital, and they'll fix you. You are not dying here, you understand me? No. You are going to hold on for me. You're going to hold on for you. Because five years from now you'll be doing everything you ever wanted to do and this will just be a nightmare you choose not to think about. And I'll be there with you every step of the way, okay? Kurt please hold on. Please." Blaine begged.

Kurt nodded, but it was a tired movement; his face pale and his eyes growing exhausted.

Blaine began to shake himself, his resolve crumbling quickly.

"Kurt, I love you so much. I am so, so sorry for earlier. No, actually, I'm sorry for everything. Everything these last few days. I should have been better, helped you more, but I didn't and I'm so sorry honey." He said, a sob finally escaping his throat.

"S'okay. Not your fault." Kurt mumbled. Blaine could see that he was becoming more and more tired. He was obviously losing too much blood, and Blaine started to cry all over again.

"Yes it is. It is." He sobbed, leaning in to kiss the other boy's nose. "I'm so sorry Kurt."

"It's okay. I love you. Remember that." Kurt said, closing his eyes.

"No. Kurt don't do that. Don't say goodbye. We still have so much to do..." Blaine cried. He couldn't decide whether he was over reacting or under reacting, but either way, he couldn't contain his tears.

"I know." Kurt said, his head using Blaine's for support.

"We're gonna go to Paris, remember? We said we'd vacation there. And we'll live in New York City. And you'll be on Broadway, or doing whatever other amazing thing you want to. And maybe I'll teach music to kids, that's something I'd love to do. And we're gonna get married Kurt, and we'll have a dog, or a cat, and one day we'll adopt kids. Or use a surrogate. We're gonna have kids one day, and you'll be the best dad there'll ever be. Just...hold on baby." Blaine sobbed.

By the end of his choked speech, sirens were blaring outside and Kurt wasn't responding like he should. He heard feet stomp up the stairs, and the door burst open revealing paramedics.

He moved out of the way guiltily, his hands crimson and shaking. Without Kurt in his arms he felt empty and cold. Suddenly he wished that he hadn't let go.

The paramedics were shouting things, but he couldn't keep up. They lifted Kurt onto a stretcher and Blaine couldn't help but think about how small he looked. So fragile, so broken. Just like how he'd been when they first met...

Oh god. He'd been standing there crying and the paramedics were on their way down the stairs.

He hurried after them, staining Rachel's banister red as he stumbled every few steps.

He ran past the Glee kids, who were all standing in shock in the driveway. They looked terrified, much like he felt, and he heard something along the lines of "who can drive the fastest?" as he hurried forward.

He made it to the ambulance as they were loading Kurt in, and without thinking he jumped in after him, dropping onto a bench and grabbing Kurt's only available limb, which happened to be his leg.

The paramedics gave him a look but didn't argue as they shut the doors and started driving fast, sirens loud and turns sharp.

They were fussing over Kurt, wrapping fabric around his wrists tightly, putting an IV into his arm as well as a bag of blood that began dripping immediately.

There was so much blood. Kurt was unconscious now, and Blaine sobbed again because he couldn't see his beautiful eyes. Those blue-grey orbs that he fell in love with, and what if he never saw them again...

_No. Shut up. He'll be okay. He will. He has to be._

**Well there you go.**

**He'll be fine, I'm not that mean. Come on, I'd rather die than kill my Kurtsie.**

**Anywho, please review!**

**I can't tell you anything different about my condition; I'm still cutting. Oops.**

**Thanks for reading, xoxo**


	17. Explanations

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies._

**Beside You**

Blaine sat in the hospital waiting room, trying not to think about the fact that he was the only one there. Whether it was a coincidence or planned by the nurses, he didn't know. His hands were shaking and his eyes hadn't unglazed since he'd fallen into the chair. Blood had dried into his fingers, tears to his face and dread to his heart.

When they'd ripped him away from Kurt, still crying and all around in a daze, they'd handed him a white towel (far too much like the one from Rachel's bathroom) and forcibly led him to this room, got him situated and left. He was pretty sure they'd tried to talk to him, but all he could think about was Kurt.

He didn't know how long it had been. All he knew was that he couldn't live without Kurt. A life minus him was...unimaginably agonizing. Never able to kiss him again. Never able to hold him tight during a thunderstorm. Never able to feel him shiver when Blaine kissed the sensitive flesh of his Adam's apple. Never able to sing to him again, or make love to him again, or propose, or get married, or live in New York, or have children, or grow old together. Never able to feel butterflies fill his stomach as Kurt laughed because _god _did he have the most amazing laugh. Like wind chimes.

One of the many things he loved about him. Blaine loved everything. Kurt's all seeing eyes, his appreciative smile. The way he styled his hair on Saturdays; messier than usual, but still perfectly designed. The way he giggled when Blaine mentioned how cute he looked in his teddy bear pjs. His dirty smirk late at night, his thick fluttering eyelashes, his dimples that only appeared when he grinned large enough to see his perfectly white teeth.

And all the things Blaine wanted to do with Kurt. He still needed to show him the song he'd been writing. Still needed to open up further about the Sadie Hawkins incident. Still needed to light scented candles and hold him close all night, not doing anything, just whispering sweet nothings. Still needed to slow dance in a field, still needed to watch him graduate whilst cheering teary eyed in the audience. Kiss him in the hallways at school, not caring who saw. Kiss him at the mall. On a roller coaster. In the pool. Underwater in the pool. In New York. In New York after getting married. In New York after taking their child to the first day of school.

So, so many things he needed to do. _Still can. Don't give up. _But what if? What if he couldn't pull through? _Kurt's a fighter. He'll be okay. _You saw the blood. There was so much. He can't possibly- _Yes. He. Fucking. Will._

Yes. Yes Kurt would be okay. And Blaine would hold him again and kiss him again and pull a Titanic and never let go. Never.

"What's going on here?" Came a booming Burt Hummel's voice, and Blaine was pulled out of his trance, sobbing hysterically.

"Oh Blaine..." Carole cooed, rushing towards him and pulling him into her arms as Burt looked as if he was going to have another heart attack.

Blaine didn't pull away, but simply froze because it had been so long since his own mother had hugged him like this. Carole was rubbing soothing circles on his back and even he had to admit that it was helping. His cries quieted and slowed.

"What happened? Finn called and said...and that Kurt was...he didn't know...he wasn't..." Burt trailed off, falling into a seat across from them.

"I'm s-so sorry Mr Hummel. I'm s-so...so fucking sorry. If I had known...if I had...oh god this is a-all my fault, oh god-" Blaine cried, finally relaxing into Carole's arms with another sob.

"It's not your fault Blaine. Just...what happened? Finn just said something about the hospital and cutting and Burt and I jumped in the car. The nurses won't...won't tell us anything." Carole explained, still rubbing circles.

"I...where do I..."

"Start at the beginning son." Burt told him, clearly anxious but still respecting Blaine's obviously terrified condition.

"We...god, we fought today. At school. We argued, and we both said things...and then he said we should spend the a-afternoon apart because we've been together so much lately." Blaine paused, breathing deeply. "And then I'm out with Puck and Sam and I get a phone call from Mercedes, and she said that I needed to get over there because...he'd locked himself in the bathroom and th-they thought he might...and we rushed to get there as fast as we could."

"Did he...cut?" Burt asked, and it sounded like the word hurt him to say.

"Yes. Yes, he'd locked the door. I busted it open and then...oh god, there was blood everywhere a-and he was crying and h-he said he'd hit an artery and...it's all a blur. We called 911 and I told him...I told him that I loved him. And that w-we still had so much to do together. He said that...he didn't want to die. And..." He cut off with another choked cry. "I talked about wanting t-to marry him. And live together and have kids and oh my god what if we can't, what if he went too deep and he..."

He collapsed into a pile of sobbing, Carole wrapping her arms around him tighter as she shook with her own tears. Blaine didn't have to see Burt to know he was crying too.

"I'm so sorry." He manages to say, sniffing and tearing up even further as he realized Carole smelled a bit like Kurt.

"Not your fault. None of ours. Not Kurt's either. He'll...be okay." Burt said like a mantra.

Blaine tried to trick himself into believing it.

He couldn't.

XXXXX

Half an hour later, the Glee kids had joined them in the small grey room. Most of them, anyhow. Rachel was on Finn's lap, crying into his shoulder. Santana and Brittany were huddled together on one chair, whispering what Blaine assumed to be comforting words. Sam and Puck were pacing, Quinn and Tina were sitting on the floor, braiding each other's hair. It seemed like the only thing holding them together. Mercedes had sat beside Blaine immediately, bombarding him with tearful questions, but he couldn't make the answers come out of his mouth. Carole had simply shook her head. The kids had explained that Rory was outside calling all the other Glee members who were missing, including Mr Schue, Ms Pillsbury and even Ms Sylvester. It just seemed like the right thing to do, apparently.

Blaine wasn't sure. He still hadn't moved. He was still staring at the stained towel, still fighting off sobs. A few of the girls had tried to comfort him (to no avail) and even Puck had attempted. But he just couldn't deal with anything right now. He cared about Kurt and only Kurt; everything else was stupid.

"Whose here for Kurt Hummel?" A doctor asked as he walked in the room, and Blaine jumped onto his feet a fraction of a second before the rest of them did.

"Um...all of you? Okay, I just need his family. Parents, or guardians, etcetera." The doctor told them, his thick eyebrows raising as nobody sat back down.

"Uh, okay. Well then." He said, presumably giving in. "My name is Doctor Ericson. I was assigned to Kurt Hummel's care and I helped stitch him up. So, starting with the surgery. He had snagged an artery and it was bleeding profusely, causing him to lose consciousness. I was able to fix it for the most part, but the towels he had used didn't help. You see, in cases like this towels often do more harm than good because they absorb blood out of the wounds like a vacuum. So because he lost so much-"

"Is he going to be okay?" Blaine interrupted, his world stopping. God, he'd put that towel there, this was his fault. His legs were shaking and he had the errant thought that he might fall over soon.

"He...yes." Blaine fell back into his chair with a sob of relief. "He's going to be alright."

"Start with that next time, dude!" Finn exclaimed as Burt hugged Carole.

"We'll be keeping him here for the next few days, for his health and due to the delicate nature of the reason he's here." Doctor Ericson explained. "We've put him on an IV, some pain meds and we're in the process of replacing the blood he lost."

"Thank you so much Doctor." Burt said, and Blaine found himself standing back up again, tears flooding his vision because _Kurt._

"Not a problem. Now, could I speak to his parents privately? There's a few things we need to discuss." Ericson stated, and gestured to down the hall.

Carole and Burt moved to follow him as the rest of the Glee kids hugged, but Blaine was frozen. He had to know. He was there for Kurt. He was his other half, his confidant, his hero (or at least he was supposed to be). He needed to go right this second. No really, he needed to, he was going to fall over otherwise.

"Can I come with you?" He asked with staggered breaths. Burt and Carole exchanged sympathetic looks, but Doctor Ericson frowned.

"This is a matter for his parents. I need to discuss very personal things with them young man, and I don't think that's your place." Ericson said sternly, and Blaine felt a fire flare within him.

"Uh, I'm his _boyfriend_. I know everything about him, and probably more than them!" He said, gesturing to the Hummel Hudson parents. "No offense. Just...Kurt needs me and if I'm going to help him I need to know everything because I think everyone can agree that this absolutely cannot happen again."

Nobody spoke for a second and he realized that he must look irrationally upset be he didn't fucking care.

"Yes, of course you can come, Blaine." Carole said sweetly.

"I'm not sure if that's necessary..." The doctor said and Blaine wanted to take his head off. Was he homophobic? Because he was acting so, the way he was eying Blaine with an only half hidden look of disgust.

"Yes, it is. Kurt needs Blaine like he needs air." Mr Hummel said, shooting a pointed glare at Ericson, who floundered under it.

"Yes, well." He stammered, and walked down the hall, Carole following as Burt put his hand on Blaine's back.

"Thank you, Burt." Blaine whispered, specifically using his first name like he was always told to.

"Of course, kiddo."

"So." Ericson began, stopping halfway down the hallway. Blaine still felt as though he might fall apart. "I need to ask a few routine questions."

They nodded, and Blaine felt himself subconsciously move closer to Burt.

"How long has Kurt been self harming?"

"Uh...he didn't say. A few years, right Blaine?" Burt asked.

"Since his mom died. When he was eight." He explained gravely.

"Alright and how long have you known?" Ericson questioned, writing on his clipboard.

"Only a few days."

"Has he ever had suicidal thoughts that you know of?"

"I...god, I don't think so." Burt answered, and Blaine shook his head firmly.

"Do you think this could have been an attempt?" The doctor asked.

"No." Blaine answered quickly. "No, it was an accident."

"Are you sure?" He asked, derision in his voice.

"Kurt wouldn't lie to me. And he wouldn't leave me either." Blaine said firmly, his shoulder straightening.

"Fine. Now, we'll be assigning him a therapist for while he's here and we recommend he continue to see her after he leaves. We assume we'll be keeping him here for the customary three days, unless there are any complications." The doctor said, finality in his tone.

"Can I see him?" Blaine asked quickly, his mind swirling. "We, I mean."

"Yes. He'll be unconscious for a few hours and that's completely normal. Nurses will be in to check on him. Room 307." With that, Doctor Ericson strode back down the hall.

"Well...that was rude." Carole muttered, but Blaine was already walking down the hall quickly, eyes scanning for that number.

His heart was pounding and he couldn't breathe because he needed Kurt and Kurt needed him and god if he didn't find this goddamn room soon...He was so numb. Everything was numb. It felt like it was slow motion.

Finally, finally he found stupid room 307 and he nearly ran into it, opening the door in a rush as he cast his eyes downwards and then...

Then he cried.

Because Kurt was lying in the hospital bed, a dozen wires and tubes sticking out of his arms and chest. He looked incredibly pale and his eyes were shut in what looked like a painful way. Bandages were tightly wrapped around his arms and his hair was very un-Kurt-like; messy and flattened. It only served to make him look younger.

But god, he just looked so tired. Exhausted and limp and just _tired_. The way Blaine felt as he collapsed again, this time into a chair beside the bed. He scooted it closer to Kurt and grabbed his hand, feeling the smooth skin against his rougher, and everything was suddenly alright again.

Not perfect and certainly not good but...alright. He was where he was supposed to be. With the boy he loved.

Now if only he could see those beautiful eyes again.

**Alright. Sorry this took so long! My life hasn't exactly been great. Anyways, please review!**

**xo**


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